Friday, March 30, 2012

Birth Plan Draft, Updated

This is put on here more for other's that might be going through a similar situation. What can be done? What should I ask? How will things play out? This plan has an A, B and C type of feel for the different scenarios that could occur.  We have a great hospital staff supporting us and giving us the leeway for special situations.  We will be meeting with the hospital staff on Monday to go into further detail of this draft. And if you don't know what a birth plan is, it is to make sure that the family and the hospital staff are all on the same page about the family's wishes before going into the hospital. They can also be done differently in normal births, but this is the first I've ever done.

Birth Plan for Kendall Mackenzie Cribb, diagnosis: Anencephaly

Daughter of Kirk and Stephanie Cribb, sister to Kristen and Drew

Why we chose to carry to term:

After finding out about anencephaly and being told our choices about Kendall's life, we knew we wanted the most opportunity have spend with our daughter, while giving her the best possible chance of the longest life for her as possible. Going full term gives her the most healthy body and therefore should give us the best chances of spending the time we need with her and the rest of our family before her passing. Faith also plans a major role in our choice, as we believe God can do all things. And choosing to go full term shows Him that we believe a miracle could happen and we are allowing more time for that miracle to happen. Even if that miracle isn't healing Kendall's body.


Upon date chosen, Stephanie will be coming to Northside Forsyth for a repeat c-section. Stephanie's first c-section at NS Atlanta ended up with her being put under general anesthesia and Kirk was asked to leave the OR during surgery. Her second went more to plan and Stephanie was awake and alert with husband at hand at NS Forsyth. Stephanie wants all measures taken so to be conscious with Kirk at hand.

During Surgery:

Please keep Stephanie and Kirk completely informed of all medical experiences happening and of any abnormalities for the c-section. Please also keep any extensive pushing on Kendall's head as minimal as possible while taking her out of the uterus.

After Birth:

Please inform us immediately after Kendall's birth is she is born still or alive.

If born still:

Please clean and wrap her and hand her to Kirk if he is able to hold her in his emotional state. Stephanie would like to hold her once able to. We will have a photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep there in all situations to take pictures for us. We would like this person, Robyn Guy, in the recovery room and mother's room once taken from the recovery room. We will make the decision to include our other children and family once in the recovery room.

If born alive with a short (minutes to hours) life span:

No extraordinary means will be made to prolong Kendall's life. Kendall will be DNR.

You may perform standard respiratory suctioning efforts to clean her airways. Extra oxygen may be given to aid in Kendall's comfort. All other measurements should be delayed till after the parents can hold Kendall. We also believe that having Kendall's head wrapped in a dressing would help her, as well as the rest of the family.

Once in recovery [which could be the pre-op room instead of the normal recovery room], Kirk would like the opportunity to help in her bathing process. And Stephanie would like the opportunity to try to breastfeed, if Kendall can latch on and suck. If Kendall does not try to breastfeed, other forms of nutrition will suffice. First with bottle and lastly with a feeding tube. But a we would like the feeding tube to be held off till Kendall absolute needs it. (How long is this window?)

Family: We will be having family come back to the recovery room if Kendall is alive. First our children, Kristen (4 1/2)and Drew(1 1/2) with the care of Stephanie's mother and father, Becky and Mark Warner. If the children do well with situation, they may stay and Becky and Mark may switch off with Kirk's parents, Ann and Don Cribb. After Kirk's parents are our siblings, Danielle, Ric and Ashlee are welcome to come back. If Ric and Ashlee's kids (Laura and Matthew) are present, they may come back with their parents as well. Stephanie's grandmother, Rachel, will probably be present and is welcome back anytime.

Once in a private room:

We would like a room secluded from other mothers. Kendall's care will be in the mother's room till further notice by parents.

We would like some alone time with our photographer in the room and with all our children, before the whole family is welcomed inside. Becky may help give an extra hand with the children while taking pictures. Once we feel we have the pictures we need, as a family, the rest of the family is welcome and may be in pictures as well.

Kendall will not be put on monitors, but will be monitored (every hour?) periodically by nurses.

If a few hours have passed, then close friends are welcome to join us. Names and numbers will be on a list provided.

If longer life span proceeds:

If Kendall lives long enough, a couple of days, and it is time for Stephanie to be discharged from the hospital, depending on how Stephanie and Kirk feel along with the what Dr. Miller or Dr. Whaler say about Kendall's health, they will decide then to either keep Kendall in the NICU or take her home. If Stephanie and Kirk are not opposed to taking Kendall home, hospice will be contacted by the hospital staff for the family and will help set up everything for home needs, as well as inform Stephanie, Kirk and other family members on how to care for Kendall at home.

Upon Kendall's passing:

Stephanie and Kirk would like to be informed of any change in Kendall's health while in the hospital. If there is a decrease in heartbeat or shortness of breath, Stephanie and Kirk will hold Kendall upon her passing. They would also like privacy from other children, family and hospital staff at this time for their grieving process as parents.

If Kendall's life is short, within the recovery room before the family can enjoy her life, Stephanie and Kirk will keep Kendall until in a private room before family will be sent back. Family will be informed by hospital staff or maybe Kirk in this situation, so that they may be prepared for what they will be seeing. Please let a family member inform the children on whether Kendall is "sleeping" or not. The same order of family noted above will proceed in this situation as well.

Also upon Kendall's death, we would like Pastor Bob Jolly notified and asked to join the family at the hospital for a time of prayer.

Stephanie and Kirk will notify the hospital staff on when they would like the funeral home to come get Kendall's body. Kendall's body will not be placed in the hospital morgue. The Cribb family will have a memorial service, in which the hospital staff are welcome to join. More info to come.

Organ Donation:
If we choose to donate Kendall's heart valves, we will let someone know to contact Life Link giving enough time to do so. We know she will have to be moved to Norcross within a 15 hour time frame after her death.

Mementos for the family:

Stephanie has purchased multiple things for molds and prints of Kendall's hands and feet. The family would also like all armbands, name cards and door decorations.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Short Update

A friend stopped me and asked if there was anything new, so I thought I'd give a short shout out...

Staying busy with planning a lot of things from an angel shower, baby announcements, memorial... etc. All of which I have plenty of help with. I am also still moving Drew out of the nursery, into his big boy room. We are meeting with Kendall's neonatologist on Thursday. This is the doctor that will take over in the NICU (or where ever we are) after she is born. I'll also meet with Dr. G again the same day, but that should be routine... hear her heartbeat and get belly measured. I'll have my HEART Strings (hospital staff) meeting on Monday, April 2nd. Where they will give us a run down on everything we're allowed to do and help us with our birth plan.

And for Spring Break, Kirk and I will be taking a weekend trip together to get out into the nature of the mountains, while family watch the kids.

Not much... but a lot at the same time... might have more news after all these meetings.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Desperate Housewives

*This one might be a hard one to read, as it was hard to type*

Nice title to this post, I am not... but DH has been a show Kirk and I have watched together since day one of it coming on. This year is the last season and there might be about 3 shows left. We DVR the episodes and watch when we can. Last night's show we watched ended up being a hard one for me. One of the wives lost her husband to a drive by shooter. I made it through the scene with her picking out a casket. Then handing someone the suit in which her husband was going to be placed in. All the while she had this blank look on her face.

Then was a scene where she was silent, shrugging to people, with a blank stare on her face, curled up in a ball on her couch. I started to break down and told Kirk that I couldn't watch it and he turned it off for a few minutes. We did return to the show after I gained composure back. I told him that I'm scared of becoming that scene where I'm curled up somewhere, lifeless and blank. The rest of the show showed the funeral service and burial.

I've thought about what it's going to be like after Kendall's born and passed. I'm sure on the outside, I'll try to be the person I usually am... happy/smiling etc. But inside I'm going to be crushed. The word crushed doesn't even feel like it works... beaten down, stomped on, kicked around like I was just beat up on the side of the road and left there. I might need that time to curl up somewhere.

I Googled "angry with God" yesterday. Just to see what popped up from the Bible. I don't know if I feel "angry" with Him really, just hurt in general. It's like my relationship with my husband. I might get mad at him from time to time, but it hurts even more to be mad at someone you love so much. And you don't want to be mad. Not saying there won't be trials of this life, but you read that God, like a parent, wants to give His children everything they want. I've wanted to be a mom since 2 years before Kristen was born. That's when I started journaling to my kids,  just to get those feelings down on paper before we were really ready to have kids.

Yes, I've been blessed with two healthy, wonderful, beautiful kids so far and I am a mom. But those feelings for a child aren't just for Kristen and Drew, they were for any and all children we would have. We've said that if Kendall was our first child that things might be harder, but in another easier. Harder b/c I'd feel like God was taking away something I'd always wanted to be, but easier b/c I wouldn't have known how much I was really missing out on yet. So yes, I'm still a mom, but I know how much love and fun and laughter that a child could bring to our lives and that might hurt even more.

I've let myself cry a little more lately. Mainly right before bed. Can't sob in front of the kids. But then I fight it off. One b/c I realize that I still have Kendall here and the other end I don't like to cry, who does?

I can't think of a way to end this post on a good note, sorry. But thank you for reading if you really got through this whole thing.

Edit: I sent the kids away for the first time today to a friend's house. Need some time to get it all out so I can return to being "mom".

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Beautiful Things

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

We sang this song at church this morning.  I usually like songs based on the beat and normally not the lyrics but once we found out about Kendall lyrics to songs have started to stand out for me.  This song today made me cry and I looked over at Stephanie and she was crying and I put my arm around her.  We did not talk to each other but had the same emotions.

I know God does not make mistakes and everybody has a purpose and Kendall will be beautiful and God and her are already making me new...but it still hurts. 

But God has blessed me with Kristen and Drew.  Kristen is my silly girl and she lights up a room and everyone around her.  When she takes me to a Daddy event at her preschool, all the other kids come up to her and tell their Dad's "there's Kristen", "hey Dad, that's Kristen", "Hi Kristen".  Drew is my laugher.  He wants everybody to laugh with him.  He wants to laugh all the time and wants to see everybody else around him laughing too.  I never would have guessed this with him because when he was a baby he never would even crack a smile.  I even remember asking Stephanie one night after I put him to bed if she thought he was happy.  Man, was I wrong.


Friday, March 16, 2012

Birthday Cards

As Kirk and my birthdays are around the corner, cards from family flood in. I've never been one to be a card giver, as they can get expensive! Neither am I a big card reader. I read what people write, more than what the card said before. Well, today I'm actually reading everything. The cards say a little more different then the typical birthday card and they are very nice:

1) "God put some very special people on this Earth to remind us what true caring and loving really are..."
2) "A wish for beauty in quiet spots, magical moments, and memories..."

But this third one was the one that made me start to cry. It was the one that I opened thinking that it was going to be the most normal of the birthday cards...

3) "Wishing you so much today- happiness, joy and laughter, dreams come true..."

I've never been one to really wish on candles, but as I blow out my candles this year, I really will be wishing for my dreams to come true.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

24 wk Appt and U/S

So this morning was a little hectic getting up earlier than normal and after this time change. The kids did just fine. Dropped Drew off with a friend and headed to our OB  appointment with Dr. G. Kendall's heartbeat is in the 120's (normal is between 110-160). Everything else seemed normal here. Kristen was excited to go to this appt. but knowing we had a second one, she rather be at school, where it was Farmer's Breakfast Day and she got to dress like a farmer. She got to school on time at 9 and Kirk and I went back to the hospital for our 10am ultrasound.

The u/s went well. No word of her being a "he", so Kendall is still Kendall! Not much was said about her head. The anencephaly is still prominent. We told Dr. M that we would like to know more on how severe her head looks, but we won't know that till we do 3D/4D, which will start next visit at 28 weeks. Other news on how she is includes a small VSD (still looking up this myself), or hole, in her heart. He didn't seem too concerned with it, as the hole wasn't out of the ordinary in size, and most of the time, those close on their own before birth. This will be monitored in further visits as well. And lastly, she is about 1lb 7oz so far and about normal length. Her legs are long and making up for what's missing up top! Sounds like one of us! Kristen at birth was 21.5".

After the u/s appt, I went back to school for Kristen music day and back to pick up Drew. Drew was exhausted from playing with his friend, that he wouldn't eat for lunch and we put him down for his nap at 12:30 and it's now 2:20 and he's still sleeping! Since Kirk was working from home, he didn't have to have a car nap while I went back to school to pick Kristen up. Busy, early started day! And now we relax and take in this beautiful sunny day!

Up coming appointments include seeing Dr. G every two weeks, Dr. M for u/s every 4 weeks and meetings with the HEART Strings program for the hospital.  This is the perinatal loss group for Northside. They are setting up an appt for me to see the neonatologist (sp), another Dr. M. ^2. Then we'll be meeting the perinatal loss coordinator, labor and delivery coordinator, NICU coordinator, and hospital Chaplain to make sure we're all on the same page for Kendall's birthday. This will help me to write out a detailed, to the minute birth plan. Including holding off measurements and weight, as our time with her is soon our other kids can join us in the recovery room, which family comes in when, not over crowding the room all at once... and when we want close friends to join. How long we'd like to keep her after she passes away... what memory things we would like to do with her, pictures, hand/foot prints.... We'll have a call list with our Pastor, funeral director, and a few more people on it.  Ok, I'll stop there, as it's a lot, but not even I know everything it consumes yet. I'll probably post some of the birth plan when I'm finished with it.

Lots still going on, even if we're not posting as much. But a good thing is that Kendall's appts are going as normal as they can, her kicks are stronger, and we're still waiting for June!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


I feel like it's been forever since I really posted. It's going as well as it could be. Kendall is getting stronger in her kicks as the weeks progress. We need prayers for tomorrow, as we'll be having our first ultrasound since finding out about the anencephaly. I'm not getting my hopes up, but knowing God can do anything, wouldn't be awesome for a complete miracle!?

I had a dream this morning right as Kirk was waking me up. My dream was me in the hospital being preped for the O.R. and being wheeled to an ultrasound room right before surgery. As they wheeled me out of the prep room, the doctors were praying with Kirk. I got to the u/s room before Kirk and was already started. They asked if I was ready, and I said no. They told me that "he" (I've always thought Kendall was a boy, and when we found out she is a she, it still wasn't 100% in my book, as she kept her legs closed) might have a cone head, but no anencephaly! I started crying in my dream and thanking God, when Kirk came in... also when he (in real life) was waking me up. I woke up in a surreal moment with tears starting to form in my eyes; kind of wanting to go back to sleep and finish the dream. But it was time to get the kids up and out the door for school.

Some people have spoken to me, surprised that I haven't said, "Lord, why me?" 1) I feel like, if not me, then it would be someone else. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. 2) It's more like, "why this?" for me. Y'all will know my whole life's story by the time this is all over, but maybe God's been preparing me for this moment my whole life. I'm not surprised when odd things happen in my life anymore. I kind of roll my eyes and say, "here we go again."

Back in 2004 (I was 21yo), I started having migraines, my first sent me to the hospital for stroke like symptoms. That Summer was when Kirk and I were married. I was still in architecture school and ended up becoming my sorority president that Fall. Then Bells Palsy hit me. I woke one morning with half my face paralyzed. BP could only be about 8 weeks long or last your whole life. For me the worst was over in 8 weeks. You can still see one of my eyes droopy in pictures. It effected everything I did from talking, eating, sleeping with my eye taped shut. Up until now, I had always felt that if I could get through that, I could get through anything. I also had a random kidney infection in 2006. Worst physical pain I've ever felt.

Before Kristen was born in 2007, as a new mom to be, I would look up every possible outcome to how people have babies. I would have loved to have a baby naturally, but when she was late, I was induced. Plan B (c-section) kicked in hours later, when I wouldn't dilate. And "plan C" was literally called out in the O.R. as my epidural wasn't working and they had to put me under general anesthesia and send Kirk out of the room. Resulting in us not being able to see Kristen be born. I laugh now, b/c just a few appointments before having her I asked our doctor how likely it was of this exact scenario to happen. She told me not often and not to worry about it. But I've always known, that I'm that 1% that people don't worry about.

Now this. Which also makes me wonder what else is to come? I know I can't worry about the future and that God will help us through everything. But the question is always in my head, now more than ever.

So back to tomorrow. The first of a few more ultrasounds. I go into it wondering if God will show everyone a true complete miracle. How wonderful it would be to rejoice in that. To show non believers what how powerful He is. Then there is the other side, where nothing has changed, and non believers or skeptics prove in their head that there isn't a real God. I know God is real and he's in my life no matter the outcome. This event is just one for us to become closer to Him. To rely on Him in every situation, good or bad. And that's the choice we make in our hearts.

So not, "why me?". But "what are we to learn from this?" "How do we keep showing people that we have an awesome God?" and "Lord, keep us focused on you; and through you, we can overcome anything!"

Thursday, March 8, 2012

You Never Let Go

I find peace in songs more than other places sometimes... Todays:

 You Never Let Go by Matt Redman

...And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Calvin's Hats

Quick note before I begin, Kirk began to feel Kendall moving last Saturday night!

A little back story on my kick boxing "skills" before I continue... Before I was 17 weeks pregnant, I had been going to the gym for about a year and loved the Body Combat class. They always told us to picture ourselves fighting a woman our size, but I was really picturing our husbands all back in the army and the women having to protect their children here in the US after being invaded by other certain countries. A little extreme, maybe? But I was getting good work out and learning how to kick some butt while I was at it.

During the last couple of weeks before I had to quit the gym, a the Bible study I am in now was being formed and collecting people so they knew how many books to buy. I was on the fence, as I put Drew in child care at church 4-5 hours a week at church already and another 3 at the gym. God had other plans, and how awesome it is to see so quickly what he had in mind for me. I pinched a nerve in my back at 17 weeks, so bad that I was in a 9 out of 10 pain level. It wasn't a 10 just b/c I could get it to go away as long as I didn't make certain movements. I started at the chiropractor immediately to help, and it worked.

Lisa, running the Bible study, emailed me back one last time to see if I was interested in coming to the study. I emailed her back laughing inside. My email back to her was "God cleared my schedule, we'll be there." Little did I know. I stopped going to the gym. The study has been a great one, focusing on our trails of our lives (usually a little smaller than what we're going through, but still significant to Him) and how God comforts us.The book is Brave by Angela Thomas.

The Bible study was a side story to where I was going with this blog... Last night was my first night really by myself after the kids went to bed. Kirk is out of town, shortly, for a business trip. This is where my kick boxing skills come in... I don't know who reads this, but don't come messing with my family :) No one really knows how mean a pregnant lady can really get.

I was reading up on some programs provided by the hospital for people in similar situations. Then came across a website for small knit hats called Calvin's Hats. Their website said they have people donate their time and skills to make hats for babies that don't make it passed 28 weeks. Knowing that most hats for an anencephaly baby won't fit, I thought this might be perfect.

My personality isn't one to really ask for much and I don't like really being the center of attention. Friends have prayed over us, which is great, but I do it for Kendall. On this website is a request form for these hats. They are free, you just have to ask for one. (Crying as I type this and I feel stupid). Knowing that they were babies under 28 weeks, I went out on a limb and told them my story and asked for a hat. The crying I did when I was filing out this form was so gut wrenching that it actually hurt my tummy, and I tried to calm myself down quickly.

At this point I didn't have anyone to talk to face to face. I didn't want to tell Kirk on the phone, as I didn't want him to worry while he's gone (sorry babe). And I knew friends would be reading this, saying "you could have called me and I would have come over". But it was 10:45pm by this time, and I knew I had to get to bed.

I soon had a smile brought back to my heart, as Calvin's Hats had quickly emailed me back already. It was a peacefulness to know they would be happy to send us multiple hats to make sure we have one that fits Kendall. Another prayer answered. A simple hat that you can't find at your regular store. Thank you to them!

Update (6-12-12)
Now that Kendall's birthday has passed, I'm started to find even more info out "there" about different subjects and will be updating my journal entries. Kendall's head was 9" around and here are more sites to find hats for anen. babies.:
Anen. Hats FB Group
Preemie Patterns
Joshua's Little Buddies

Friday, March 2, 2012

Dr. Appt Today

Today was our first doctors appointment since finding out Kendall has anencephaly, 22 weeks 5 days. Our doctor is giving us special attention and having us only see her, so today we had to make the trek down to her Atlanta office. This appt. was pretty routine, weight, blood pressure, heartbeat (which made us happy to hear), and they added blood work for me. Every second it takes to find a heartbeat seems like a lifetime to any parent, but even more so it seems now.

Dr. G had some questions for us, and we had two for her. Her question for us had to do with ultrasounds. If we wanted to keep having them and if so, with the OB office or the specialist. We said yes, as we're open to watching her grow and making sure she is growing correctly other than the head. And I'm sure we'd be hoping for that miracle to show up before birth each time. The u/s will also show how sever her lack of skull really is. Also chose the specialist, as they can do 3D in the future for us. She also let us know she is still waiting for answers to our organ donor questions.

Kirk's question for her was more of a reminder for the blood work they ended up taking. She didn't say how often it would be done, but it sounds like every other month would be about right. My question was about a conversation I had with her on the phone one day. I told a few family and friends that she had mentioned me having a c-section closer to 36-37 weeks. So why not try to get closer to the normal 39 weeks? Her answer made me giggle. She said it was to make sure I didn't go into labor before hand. Kristen was late, and Drew made his planned c-section date... but I have never had my water break on its own, nor did I make a run to the hospital b/c/ I thought I was in labor. So what was funny to me is that I feel like my kids like the cozy belly and don't like to come out on their own. She said the closer we get, we might be able to push it back if we want.

----- This coming Saturday ----

This weekend, or at least Saturday, is going to be a big one for us. We're meeting up with another couple who  lost an anencephaly baby in January, for breakfast. Another God thing, as their parents are friends with another family at our church. They live in NC, but are driving through for a vacation.

After breakfast, off we go to the hospital for a "backstage" pass tour of the NICU and other things normal people don't get to see that might help us prepare for the big day. A neighbor of mine works up there and was sharing our story with a NICU nurse, who graciously gave us her number and offered her time to do this for us.

Since these two things ended up on the same day, we decided to do one more to get some more questions out of the way.  Off we'll go to the cemetery. Neither of us have had to plan a funeral. The only ones we've really been to are grandparents. So we'll be showing up with an open heart to take in as much information as they can share. Then we'll see where that leads us. That will most likely be the hardest part of the day.

---- Things on my plate to think about -----

  • Setting up photography meetings. Preggo shoot, at hospital, at funeral? 
  • What to wear in all these places and pictures. 
  • Angel shower date- we have great friends that want to do some special things for all of us. 
  • Shower list/registry- can't go to BRU or Target for that one.
  • Memorial service- what to be said, who to say it, what songs, who sings?
  • Funeral
  • Obituary wording
  • Cemetery visit
  • Hospital visit- not being near the regular moms, what can the hospital do for us?
  • Birth Plan- not your regular one. I'll probably post more on this later.
  • Things we can do as a family with Kendall involved 
  • Memory things, crafts, what we can get hand/footprints on at the hospital
  • Doing things for Kristen and Drew before, during and after

And I'm sure the list will go on... Keep praying for us and we will keep you updated. Thanks!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Daddy's Story

This is my story.  Daddy's Story.  Here I sit after midnight faxing refinance mortgage loan documents and thinking about Kendall and Stephanie and Kristen and Drew....  It has been 2 weeks since the worst day of my life and I feel like I am just waiting for the real worst day of my life in 17 weeks, if not sooner.  This is supposed to be a happy time.  Stephanie can feel Kendall kicking but she is not able to kick strong enough yet for me to feel her.  I am the protector, provider, "fixer" but I can't fix this and it is frustrating.  Only God can "fix" it, but I do not know what His "fix" is yet and when I will understand it.

I have been able to work but it does not seem so important anymore.  IT work is not life or death.  Life or death is growing in Stephanie's tummy and only God's hand can touch her right now and make her stronger.

Stephanie has been great and I am so blessed to have her as a wife.  Her Faith is so strong and Kendall has already made my Faith stronger and made me a better father to Kristen and Drew.  However, normal two weeks ago will never be normal again.

We are starting to prepare for that day and we need all the prayers, support and love our family and friends can provide.