Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The Road Stretches Over the Horizon

There's been so much going on lately that I haven't been updating. A lot to process and a lot of things unfolding. And although I feel in my head, that everything is in sequence, I'm not sure where to start here, or how far to go back in previous post to show the connections in my head.

After the initial miscarriage with the twins, (quickly rehashed) I bled for 44 days, had two weeks off and now on a 12+ day "cycle". Last week my hCg level was still in the 50s, but I'm not worried about that, so it will eventually be down under 10. It isn't effecting much.

April's been a big month of change for our WHOLE family. But I'm going back a few months to explain what comes in April and how I've seen God work. Eventually I'll get back to our "baby life" and how it all relates.

Since Kendall's birthday, my sister Danielle found a new man (Stephen) and the relationship was moving quickly. He proposed after 4 months of long distance dating and the wedding was planed for April 5, just 4 months after the proposal. My initial reaction, with my eyes wide open, was that it wasn't the way I'd do things. But looking back, I see great things forming already.

During wedding planning, my in-laws were all planning an anniversary trip to Hawaii. My brother in law, Ric, and sister in law, Ashlee, were talking Kirk's parents for their 50th and their own 25th. Ashlee is a planner and very organized. The week that worked out for all of them to go together started April 2nd. Ashlee didn't realize at first that it would be during my sister's wedding that they'd be gone, till plans were already booked.

Keeping in sequence, we've been reading through Multiply at our church. And at some time in March, I felt God telling me that the 10 year anniversary trip Kirk and I plan to go back to Hawaii next year for, should be spent on a mission trip instead. "Well, God, knowing we've been looking forward to this trip for so long, I think it's best if you tell Kirk, before I do, just to make it clear."...was the conversation I had back. And I continued to pray about it or a few weeks...

Stephen was in town before the wedding for Easter (March 31) and got to meet the Cribb's at our house, before they left. It would be the last time all of us there would ever be together again. The four went to Hawaii the 2nd, and Danielle and Stephen got married the 5th. Another brother in law in the family. Short lived, I'm the only one that can say I gain a brother in law and lost a brother in law in a matter of time.

The four in Hawaii had a grand time and were in a taxi on the way to the airport there, to fly back, when Ric went into cardiac arrest. It was life threatening, as they were in Hawaii a week before flying him back to Georgia via air ambulance. To help Ashlee and get Kirk's parents back to GA, Kirk flew out to Hawaii a few days and help bring his parents back, while Ashlee rode with Ric. The night before Kirk left, I asked him if this would change our anniversary plans for next year. "Probably". And so my prayer changes to where we will go?

Surrounded by family, Ric passed away April 23. During these couple of weeks, my father was also going through medical testing to find some important issues, I won't go into here. And the Sunday before Ric passed, Ashlee's grandmother(94) passed as well.
Life is hard right now for everyone and I could only be pulled so many directions myself. The people who have been my support, need my support. So I focused on Kirk's side up until now, before wrapping my mind around my side, with my dad.

What does all this have to do with baby making? I'd always wanted three kids. Had them. I always felt that we'd have the twins. Had them, even for only 7 weeks. No one else has been in my thoughts. Although my "wants" included another kid running around here, I've kept praying that in time God would let me know when the time is that we're done. Or done for the time being. And for Kirk and I to be there at the same time. I think Kirk's been there, but wanted to give me what I wanted. Through all the unbelief of the things we've been going through, and God telling me over and over to live one day at a time, I know that I need to focus on the family we have here, right now. And pregnancy/infants and mission trips probably don't go well together.

So as hard as all of you know it is for me to say, there won't be any baby news in the near future. And if it is in the future, it will be completely in God's hands and in His timing. A few weeks ago, one of our pastors said to follow God is simple, yet very hard to do. God tells us things, like we tell our kids. As easy as it would be for Kristen to clean her room, she doesn't like to do it. But it would just make me happy if she would do it with out complaining. Not a hard task. God's leading me in a direction that is probably simple to Him, but not easy for me. And I can't see down the whole road. But one day we'll be able to look back and understand.

Be in prayer for the Cribb's and the Warner's. And let us have our eyes open to what God is showing us. Thank you!