Thursday, June 6, 2013

Happy 1st Birthday Kendall!

We went into this week, not  knowing 100% what we'd do for Kendall's birthday. I didn't want to go elaborate, but not too understated either. I wanted something just family, but exciting for the kids. I had been toying with the smash cake idea for a while, but wasn't sure how it would turn out. Without myself behind the camera, I also had to make sure my somewhat shy kids would smile. And not to be overly messy for my wonderfully semi-introverted husband. I wanted to just make sure everyone was going to be happy. AND WE WERE!
 Last minute clothes matching was thrown in, but we didn't match the balloons or the cake, but who cares... there's always black and white pictures! Ordered the cake at Kroger, and was going to avoid their over priced helium and went to the Dollar Tree this morning, only to find out they only blow up the mylar balloons, and not latex. So back to Kroger... but the cake was awesome! We haven't had a Kroger cake in a while. And we went with the whipped frosting, which was light and make us eat more than we should have.
After taking pictures at the cemetery, we met up with my parents and Kirk's parents for lunch at O'Charly's and had a yummy lunch! We didn't have anything else planned the rest of the day, so we all hung out at the house.

 Kirk is also taking off of work tomorrow and we're having a family fun day before his work trip next week.

Thinking back on the last 16 months is crazy. I have two mind sets. I think of Kendall 99% of the time with a smile on my face. But I can mentally switch it to the other side and think about the painful journey it took to get here.
 I'm thankful for it all. I truly am. But it also sucks that it has to happen like this. Without Kendall I'd be my old luke warm self without a passion outside of my family. Being in a great church, sending Kristen to a Christian school (for the time being), surrounded by people who know the Lord.... God couldn't use me for His needs like that.
 I look back and can wholeheartedly say that Kendall said Isaiah 6:8, "send me". And knew the what joy would come out of the pain. But I also look at these pictures of how happy Kristen and Drew are and wish I could see her face with theirs.
 We have friends who had a baby three days before Kendall, so I do know and I'm reminded of what she would be doing or how big she would be. It doesn't bother me, I smile when I see her, b/c she reminds me of Kendall. It reminds me that Kendall isn't that infant that I held in my arms a year ago. And gives me a glimpse of knowing Kendall in a different way.  I feel like that needs more explanation, but I don't have the words to put it into understanding.
 Within 2 months of Kendall's birth, we started KKF. Four months after we'd file our 501(c)3 papers. Three months later, we're official. Within the last 3 months we have gotten donations rolling in, more than tripling our goal for the year. And this month we will be meeting with our first clients to welcome their son, Ethan. WOW! I never saw that coming a year ago!
 Those donation came with another price. Kirk's brother passed away in April. But also through that Kirk and I have decided to go on a mission trip together next year, instead for our planned 10 year anniversary. We don't' know much about the trips our church is planning for next year, but I feel the Lord leading us to San Fransisco. So many prayers for that.
 Due to family health, outside of us four, and the mission trip next year. I know family growth plans are not in our direct future. It's taken a lot for me to give that over to God. But knowing I'm planning a trip next year gives me a reason to be okay with it all. One day I'll see the bigger picture in it all. Till then, I got an IUD yesterday. Not a UTI, that I accidentally told my friend :) IUD, DUI, UTI... what's the difference? and since I knew that was going to happen, I told another friend, God can work his "magic" around an IUD if He wants.
 So, I think that catches us up to now. Most of my updates from here on our will be on Facebook. Most will have to do with KKF, so look on our page!
And to Kendall:
Special K,
We love you baby girl! Always have and always will. You mean the world to us and so much more. We thank you for coming into our lives and helping change our hearts. The pain is temporary, but the greater love will last forever. We can't wait to hold you again. Until then, get as many horsey rides from Uncle Ric as possible. I'm jealous he has you up there, but he had the longest legs, so I know you two and the other babies are having fun!
Watch over us all, but give your daddy some more signs from Heaven every once in a while. Kristen talks about you often. Drew is the first to say "Hi Kendall" every time we pass the cemetery, while waving out the window.
 There isn't a hole in our hearts where you've left. It's full of you and your love! Give Jesus a big hug for us! Because of Him, we get to see you again! Thank Him for continuing to heal our hearts.
I love you,