tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14895677501959887662024-02-07T21:43:33.507-08:00God's Growing FamilyCribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-23120051613865107942013-12-01T19:43:00.001-08:002013-12-01T19:43:21.747-08:00Want to read more?If you're new to our blogs, you might be in a similar situation as we were in. We welcome you to read and pray you find comfort in knowing you aren't alone.<br />
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If you have read through this blog and want to read more of how God is using our family, please visit:<br />
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cribbadoption.blogspot.com<br />
or<br />
www.thekendallkeepsakefoundation.blogspot.comCribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-2764666160019572852013-06-06T20:36:00.000-07:002013-06-06T20:36:04.437-07:00Happy 1st Birthday Kendall! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We went into this week, not knowing 100% what we'd do for Kendall's birthday. I didn't want to go elaborate, but not too understated either. I wanted something just family, but exciting for the kids. I had been toying with the smash cake idea for a while, but wasn't sure how it would turn out. Without myself behind the camera, I also had to make sure my somewhat shy kids would smile. And not to be overly messy for my wonderfully semi-introverted husband. I wanted to just make sure everyone was going to be happy. AND WE WERE! <br />
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Last minute clothes matching was thrown in, but we didn't match the balloons or the cake, but who cares... there's always black and white pictures! Ordered the cake at Kroger, and was going to avoid their over priced helium and went to the Dollar Tree this morning, only to find out they only blow up the mylar balloons, and not latex. So back to Kroger... but the cake was awesome! We haven't had a Kroger cake in a while. And we went with the whipped frosting, which was light and make us eat more than we should have. <br />
After taking pictures at the cemetery, we met up with my parents and Kirk's parents for lunch at O'Charly's and had a yummy lunch! We didn't have anything else planned the rest of the day, so we all hung out at the house.<br />
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Kirk is also taking off of work tomorrow and we're having a family fun day before his work trip next week.<br />
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Thinking back on the last 16 months is crazy. I have two mind sets. I think of Kendall 99% of the time with a smile on my face. But I can mentally switch it to the other side and think about the painful journey it took to get here. <br />
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I'm thankful for it all. I truly am. But it also sucks that it has to happen like this. Without Kendall I'd be my old luke warm self without a passion outside of my family. Being in a great church, sending Kristen to a Christian school (for the time being), surrounded by people who know the Lord.... God couldn't use me for His needs like that. <br />
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I look back and can wholeheartedly say that Kendall said Isaiah 6:8, "send me". And knew the what joy would come out of the pain. But I also look at these pictures of how happy Kristen and Drew are and wish I could see her face with theirs. <br />
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We have friends who had a baby three days before Kendall, so I do know and I'm reminded of what she would be doing or how big she would be. It doesn't bother me, I smile when I see her, b/c she reminds me of Kendall. It reminds me that Kendall isn't that infant that I held in my arms a year ago. And gives me a glimpse of knowing Kendall in a different way. I feel like that needs more explanation, but I don't have the words to put it into understanding. <br />
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Within 2 months of Kendall's birth, we started KKF. Four months after we'd file our 501(c)3 papers. Three months later, we're official. Within the last 3 months we have gotten donations rolling in, more than tripling our goal for the year. And this month we will be meeting with our first clients to welcome their son, Ethan. WOW! I never saw that coming a year ago! <br />
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Those donation came with another price. Kirk's brother passed away in April. But also through that Kirk and I have decided to go on a mission trip together next year, instead for our planned 10 year anniversary. We don't' know much about the trips our church is planning for next year, but I feel the Lord leading us to San Fransisco. So many prayers for that. <br />
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Due to family health, outside of us four, and the mission trip next year. I know family growth plans are not in our direct future. It's taken a lot for me to give that over to God. But knowing I'm planning a trip next year gives me a reason to be okay with it all. One day I'll see the bigger picture in it all. Till then, I got an IUD yesterday. Not a UTI, that I accidentally told my friend :) IUD, DUI, UTI... what's the difference? and since I knew that was going to happen, I told another friend, God can work his "magic" around an IUD if He wants. <br />
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So, I think that catches us up to now. Most of my updates from here on our will be on Facebook. Most will have to do with KKF, so look on our page!<br />
https://www.facebook.com/TheKendallKeepsakeFoundation<br />
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And to Kendall:<br />
Special K,<br />
We love you baby girl! Always have and always will. You mean the world to us and so much more. We thank you for coming into our lives and helping change our hearts. The pain is temporary, but the greater love will last forever. We can't wait to hold you again. Until then, get as many horsey rides from Uncle Ric as possible. I'm jealous he has you up there, but he had the longest legs, so I know you two and the other babies are having fun! <br />
Watch over us all, but give your daddy some more signs from Heaven every once in a while. Kristen talks about you often. Drew is the first to say "Hi Kendall" every time we pass the cemetery, while waving out the window. <br />
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There isn't a hole in our hearts where you've left. It's full of you and your love! Give Jesus a big hug for us! Because of Him, we get to see you again! Thank Him for continuing to heal our hearts.<br />
I love you,<br />
Mom <br />
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<br />Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-17075536275339489742013-05-28T16:02:00.001-07:002013-05-28T16:05:22.727-07:00Foundation Work- In Progress!<br />
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Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-80857131647671116832013-04-24T09:35:00.001-07:002013-07-01T21:21:29.264-07:00The Road Stretches Over the HorizonThere's been so much going on lately that I haven't been updating. A lot to process and a lot of things unfolding. And although I feel in my head, that everything is in sequence, I'm not sure where to start here, or how far to go back in previous post to show the connections in my head.<br>
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After the initial miscarriage with the twins, (quickly rehashed) I bled for 44 days, had two weeks off and now on a 12+ day "cycle". Last week my hCg level was still in the 50s, but I'm not worried about that, so it will eventually be down under 10. It isn't effecting much.<br>
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April's been a big month of change for our WHOLE family. But I'm going back a few months to explain what comes in April and how I've seen God work. Eventually I'll get back to our "baby life" and how it all relates. <br>
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Since Kendall's birthday, my sister Danielle found a new man (Stephen) and the relationship was moving quickly. He proposed after 4 months of long distance dating and the wedding was planed for April 5, just 4 months after the proposal. My initial reaction, with my eyes wide open, was that it wasn't the way I'd do things. But looking back, I see great things forming already.<br>
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During wedding planning, my in-laws were all planning an anniversary trip to Hawaii. My brother in law, Ric, and sister in law, Ashlee, were talking Kirk's parents for their 50th and their own 25th. Ashlee is a planner and very organized. The week that worked out for all of them to go together started April 2nd. Ashlee didn't realize at first that it would be during my sister's wedding that they'd be gone, till plans were already booked.<br>
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Keeping in sequence, we've been reading through <u>Multiply </u>at our church. And at some time in March, I felt God telling me that the 10 year anniversary trip Kirk and I plan to go back to Hawaii next year for, should be spent on a mission trip instead. "Well, God, knowing we've been looking forward to this trip for so long, I think it's best if you tell Kirk, before I do, just to make it clear."...was the conversation I had back. And I continued to pray about it or a few weeks...<br>
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Stephen was in town before the wedding for Easter (March 31) and got to meet the Cribb's at our house, before they left. It would be the last time all of us there would ever be together again. The four went to Hawaii the 2nd, and Danielle and Stephen got married the 5th. Another brother in law in the family. Short lived, I'm the only one that can say I gain a brother in law and lost a brother in law in a matter of time.<br>
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The four in Hawaii had a grand time and were in a taxi on the way to the airport there, to fly back, when Ric went into cardiac arrest. It was life threatening, as they were in Hawaii a week before flying him back to Georgia via air ambulance. To help Ashlee and get Kirk's parents back to GA, Kirk flew out to
Hawaii a few days and help bring his parents back, while Ashlee rode
with Ric. The night before Kirk left, I asked him if this would change
our anniversary plans for next year. "Probably". And so my prayer changes to where we will go?<br>
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Surrounded by family, Ric passed away April 23. During these couple of weeks, my father was also going through medical testing to find some important issues, I won't go into here. And the Sunday before Ric passed, Ashlee's grandmother(94) passed as well.<br>
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Life is hard right now for everyone and I could only be pulled so many directions myself. The people who have been my support, need my support. So I focused on Kirk's side up until now, before wrapping my mind around my side, with my dad.<br>
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What does all this have to do with baby making? I'd always wanted three kids. Had them. I always felt that we'd have the twins. Had them, even for only 7 weeks. No one else has been in my thoughts. Although my "wants" included another kid running around here, I've kept praying that in time God would let me know when the time is that we're done. Or done for the time being. And for Kirk and I to be there at the same time. I think Kirk's been there, but wanted to give me what I wanted. Through all the unbelief of the things we've been going through, and God telling me over and over to live one day at a time, I know that I need to focus on the family we have here, right now. And pregnancy/infants and mission trips probably don't go well together. <br>
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So as hard as all of you know it is for me to say, there won't be any baby news in the near future. And if it is in the future, it will be completely in God's hands and in His timing. A few weeks ago, one of our pastors said to follow God is simple, yet very hard to do. God tells us things, like we tell our kids. As easy as it would be for Kristen to clean her room, she doesn't like to do it. But it would just make me happy if she would do it with out complaining. Not a hard task. God's leading me in a direction that is probably simple to Him, but not easy for me. And I can't see down the whole road. But one day we'll be able to look back and understand. <br>
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Be in prayer for the Cribb's and the Warner's. And let us have our eyes open to what God is showing us. Thank you! <br>
<br><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXev8aDrwF0gL9FH6bqznxEatsSvNR9VQ81P3OptaZuJglg4tWO15IL-az0zeJoVbT1IadYVyrJK8Fe2L7h9pBnlf6t14maGIHsPz_raMfWWo-rX29oZm6uIrU7ga_ZoLkuC92H6wFTVo/s640/blogger-image--1550638341.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXev8aDrwF0gL9FH6bqznxEatsSvNR9VQ81P3OptaZuJglg4tWO15IL-az0zeJoVbT1IadYVyrJK8Fe2L7h9pBnlf6t14maGIHsPz_raMfWWo-rX29oZm6uIrU7ga_ZoLkuC92H6wFTVo/s640/blogger-image--1550638341.jpg"></a></div>Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-81276225371934152652013-03-19T07:21:00.000-07:002013-03-19T07:21:09.259-07:00The Kendall Keepsake Foundation UpdateI haven't done a Foundation update on the blog recently. I know many of you are on Facebook and keep up, but some are just connected here.<br />
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We received our 501(c)3 papers and are OFFICIAL! <br />
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Anyone can donate on our website at www.kendallkeepsake.org<br />
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We also have a Facebook page at www.facebook.com/thekendallkeepsakefoundation<br />
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The beginnings of our donations will go to help with printing brochures, other advertising, future events. Thank you everyone for helping us out! Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-4177510565069683242013-03-04T11:33:00.000-08:002013-03-04T11:33:30.683-08:00Psalm 143<h4>
<span class="text Ps-143-1">A psalm of David.</span></h4>
<div class="poetry">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-143-1"><sup class="versenum">1 </sup><span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, hear my prayer,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-1">listen to my cry for mercy;</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-1">in your faithfulness and righteousness</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-1">come to my relief.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-2" id="en-NIV-16296"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>Do not bring your servant into judgment,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-2">for no one living is righteous before you.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-3" id="en-NIV-16297"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>The enemy pursues me,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-3">he crushes me to the ground;</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-3">he makes me dwell in the darkness</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-3">like those long dead.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-4" id="en-NIV-16298"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>So my spirit grows faint within me;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-4">my heart within me is dismayed.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-5" id="en-NIV-16299"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>I remember the days of long ago;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-5">I meditate on all your works</span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-5">and consider what your hands have done.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-6" id="en-NIV-16300"><sup class="versenum">6 </sup>I spread out my hands to you;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-6">I thirst for you like a parched land.<sup class="footnote" value="[<a href="#fen-NIV-16300a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]">[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+143&version=NIV#fen-NIV-16300a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]</sup></span></span></div>
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<div class="poetry top-05">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-143-7" id="en-NIV-16301"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup>Answer me quickly, <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-7">my spirit fails.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-7">Do not hide your face from me</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-7">or I will be like those who go down to the pit.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-8" id="en-NIV-16302"><sup class="versenum">8 </sup>Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-8">for I have put my trust in you.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-8">Show me the way I should go,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-8">for to you I entrust my life.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-9" id="en-NIV-16303"><sup class="versenum">9 </sup>Rescue me from my enemies, <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-9">for I hide myself in you.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-10" id="en-NIV-16304"><sup class="versenum">10 </sup>Teach me to do your will,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-10">for you are my God;</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-10">may your good Spirit</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-10">lead me on level ground.</span></span></div>
</div>
<span class="text Ps-143-11" id="en-NIV-16305"><sup class="versenum">11 </sup>For your name’s sake, <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, preserve my life;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-11">in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-143-12" id="en-NIV-16306"><sup class="versenum">12 </sup>In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-12">destroy all my foes,</span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-143-12">for I am your servant.</span></span>Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-73115651129983885722013-02-28T11:18:00.001-08:002013-02-28T12:53:58.232-08:00Doctor/Ultrasound updateNothing to really start this post with except the facts:<br />
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1) Uterus was empty except for blood- I felt relieved when I heard this. I felt that with the hCg numbers not going down meant that there had to be something there and I was bracing myself for extra medicine or another procedure. So I was happy to have everything happen naturally and not have to be having a "next step" before getting some closure. <br />
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2) All other womanly parts looked good and healthy... Nurse W said "beautiful".<br />
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3) Asked if we should be starting to talk about further testing, genetics. Dr. G said that most of the things they tests for, we can already rule out because we have had two healthy children, and carried three full term babies. One example: They would tests for something wrong in the uterine wall that wouldn't allow me to carry a baby... but we know I can. <br />
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4) I took blood again today, and will probably one more time next week, just to keep an eye on those numbers that should be coming down. I'm not as worried about those anymore, not that we have seen an u/s.<br />
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5) Predicted another week of bleeding, yippy.<br />
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6) If we decide we're ready, then we can try again after the second cycle shows up. The first would be just to make sure the uterine wall gets thick again. <br />
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Sorry if there are guys reading this. I never intended this blog to be so specific in the womanly areas, but if it helps someone else through this process, then there is a purpose for it. I wish it wasn't like that, but I'm not regretful for everything in the public. You all are part of our lifeline. Thank you. Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-17558875975259801002013-02-27T11:22:00.002-08:002013-04-24T17:56:16.017-07:00Trust in the Lord with all your heart...Proverbs 3:5<br />
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As I said in a post, I try to keep my post on a positive note, you don't get to probably really read it ALL.. even though you knew I was really frustrated the last two. Either I've said it here and/or on the prayer page on FB... before finding out "everything" that's going on, I've said, "I feel like God's telling me that's everything is going to be okay". And then I was being encouraged that I really was hearing him, knowing it was twins. "A great spiritual feeling to know and trust when I'm hearing from God, even when things don't happen for 7 years" But as I typed that I knew not everything was "okay". So as one thing becomes clear, another becomes foggy. And I know "okay" could be in the long run and not right now.<br />
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Since my last post, things haven't been straight forward, pertaining to this "miscarriage". I put EVERYTHING in quotations earlier, but I haven't found out everything yet. Last week, my blood work showed my numbers slightly going up. But not as much as they should. So, I did it once more this week before my u/s I have scheduled for tomorrow. And again, up a little.<br />
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I called the nurse for results this time. I was under the impression that she might not call me and leave it for the doctor tomorrow. This time, to ease my wondering positive mind, I asked if there was any chance of me still being pregnant. She looked over the doctor's notes and said "from the info we have and the bleeding, it doesn't look good", but still wasn't going to be confident to say one way or the other, if she was able to. <br />
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I have a friend who miscarried a few months ago, that said her baby stopped growing but her numbers continued to climb. The body does crazy things. <br />
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Today my phone or FB decided to act up and in a comment box this morning it had an old message I had written, but it wasn't the last thing I wrote. It said, "I'm here." And I accidentally sent it, as I had just woken up and my phone was being slow. It was in an anencephaly group, and someone had mentioned maybe it was a way that Kendall was saying "hi". I thought that was cute, but knew "smart phones" aren't always smart. Then it happened again this afternoon. Same message. And I look up to my art project on my wall... (picture).<br />
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<a href="http://media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com/550x/16/6a/06/166a06d90b82864ec16f251f97e1664b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com/550x/16/6a/06/166a06d90b82864ec16f251f97e1664b.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
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My heart wants to believe with all of it, that everything is "okay" and God is saying "I'm here." All things are possible!!! Believe! But my mind knows the logic. My mom asked "what's going on" and I said I couldn't tell her 100%. I've been avoiding being positive, or "fulling trusting" to avoid the heart break that comes when things don't go my way. But is it "my way"? Should I trust and say that "yes, it is a possibility that I'm still pregnant"??<br />
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Lord, I know you're here. You always have been and always will be. I didn't feel like you were telling me that Kendall could defy the odds, so I didn't really feel it deep down that she would be healed for that miracle, although I wanted it. But my heart is trying to tell me something different this time. And I know I'm trying to fight it, so I don't get let down. We all wonder if we could truly trust enough to step out onto the water....<br />
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As I pray and I type, I was about to type... "But they SAW you there."<br />
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My story isn't over. And I didn't know I was going to type this. Coming home on Sunday night, I saw Jesus' face in a lit tree, while Kirk drove down the road. I told him about it, but we drove on.<br />
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....I saw you there. <br />
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You can obviously read that there's a ping pong match going through my head. And tomorrow should be the day all this madness comes to a rest. My ultrasound is at 12:30pm. <br />
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I didn't go into this post knowing what I was going to type. Most of my post are whatever comes into my head at that time. This is me. And I as a reader I'd would be saying "she's going crazy". Welcome to the past two weeks for me. We'll see tomorrow where God wants to take this. <br />
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ADDED: We went back to the tree, and Kirk saw the face as well. I haven't been able to take great pictures, and the ones I took got erased from my phone. <br />
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<br />Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-37152709125062065682013-02-21T09:10:00.002-08:002013-02-21T09:10:30.757-08:00Where do we go next?After some sleep, the feeling of punching a wall or shattering something went away, but the heavy heart remains. I said I was calmer and not as upset, but Kirk said otherwise. And it doesn't mean the hurt is any less.<br />
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I've been waiting 7+ years for these two babies. If I didn't have an early u/s last week, I wouldn't have ever known it was twins. Not that I've been in this situation, but I feel like it would be if you were waiting on an adoption for a long time, then the time came to get your baby, and something happened where it wasn't possible. Even if they weren't here long, my heart is torn. I had already started a journal for [them] too. I was getting my "happy place"/good attitude back, and now I'm back to square one.<br />
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I mentioned all the questions in our heads. They aren't all questions to God, although thoses are there without answers. Others have to do with our unknown future. Kirk and I had to both get to "a place" together after Kendall, where we'd be ready try again. And we went into this pregnancy with a fearlessness that we've gotten pregnant three times and carried them all to term, with no miscarriages, it will happen again. Now we have a new "fear". So it's like one step forward and five steps back.<br />
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Will we both want to try again?<br />
If so, will we be ready at the same time?<br />
How many times will be let ourselves be "let down" before deciding we're done or that we've been through too much?<br />
Will I want to go in before 8 weeks next time? (besides for blood work) <br />
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I took blood again today to watch the numbers go down. We haven't asked how long the doctor wants us to wait till trying again. A friend is going through a similar issue and they told her 3 months.And I'll probably be asking about genetic testing. <br />
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I wish I could swallow what I said before and say that I would tell the next time for the prayers. But I now know that fear that women have that they don't tell. And they go through it "alone". I wouldn't want the kids to deal with it either. Kristen was a little in denial, believing a baby was still in there.<br />
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My comment stands about other's comments. Not that anyone has said this recently, but I didn't want people to say;<br />
"You're young, you have time." Kirk doesn't feel this way, we're 11 years apart.<br />
"The guy has all the time in the world." No, it's a decision we make together and his feelings count as much as mine.<br />
"I had # miscarriages, blah blah blah". But most likely didn't hold your your baby in your arms and watch them go to heaven before that. It makes a difference. But I don't discount your own losses. I won't ever know what it's like to have a miscarriage before Kendall, but I know it's not the same. <br />
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I know most of you wouldn't say these things, but sometimes they creep in, and I'll ignore them. But I emotions can't take that risk right now. I don't have the energy to be upset with someone else. And you know how you notice all the pregnant people around you only when you're pregnant. I have that on top of seeing or hearing about twins everywhere now. <br />
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A lot running through my head again. If I look "spacey", you'll know why. Thank you for all your continued prayers. <br />
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Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-27117732920059769022013-02-19T12:33:00.001-08:002013-02-20T06:11:26.490-08:003 Babies Waiting in HeavenThe roller coaster isn't over... Since everything else has been public, and I know everyone cares for us and are praying... this has to be public as well...<br />
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Last week I knew I was having two, Thursday one, and today none. (You read that right.)<br />
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Leaving the appt on Thursday, Kirk and I felt like the doctor wasn't being too positive. I tried to make my post positive, as there was still hope for one. But Then Friday my spotting was heavier, and I called the nurse. She wanted me to monitor myself over the weekend. On Monday I had blood work and Tuesday she called with the results that my numbers were down. <br />
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Since we had the weekend to mull it over, we're not in shock. I haven't had any physical pain. With all the questions in our head, I think I feel mad more than anything else. But there isn't anything to do about it. I was happy to start trying in January, finally coming out of a funk about living in the past/present of Kendall, looking forward to something in the future to be happy about.... only to be shot down again on the same weekend as last year. <br />
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Feel free to say "sorry", but I'm not really up for any "positive" thoughts right now, when we aren't sure about our futures.That's my nice way of saying keep your comments short or to yourself. I was already hurt by a certain comment this weekend. Thank you. <br />
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Ps- don't worry if you think you might have said something. The person doesn't read this. <br />
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<img height="125" id="irc_mi" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbIPSEqAgvGirYgE1DsrTLUNzS0m62azV4jvla3vr0sMdl3EEZiG8TFMye7klfwhYsJj_FjK_K660h3b9ddsSDKg83037C03jiiBC3cTgyQ5aZjyvwiTzXViH2j-uwXMCwtbU3LqvOhWs/s200/3-angels.jpg" style="margin-top: 61px;" width="200" /><br />
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Update- (2/20) after some sleep, I'm of clearer mind and not as bitter or upset. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck.Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-91384104953873896412013-02-14T13:51:00.000-08:002013-02-14T13:51:13.175-08:00Baby Update 6+ WeeksWent to the doctor.... I went into this week thinking I'd be excited, till yesterday when I started a little spotting. But to put everyone's nerves away, everything looks fine. <br />
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I'm still happy and excited, but also a little bummed. If you remember <a href="http://godsgrowingfamily.blogspot.com/2012/06/hilton-head.html">THIS </a>blog post I mentioned twins... I had a good feeling about this pregnancy really being twins. I was hoping to be able to tease about having another big secret and getting more 'likes' on our foundation page....<br />
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So- **news**<br />
1) Everything looks good one the spotting issue. <br />
2)There ARE two sacs!! <br />
3) BUT One looked under developed... <br />
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So- mixed emotions again. Since it is still early, we didn't get any pictures b/c the baby isn't big enough to be called a "peanut" yet. We have another appt and u/s in two weeks. We'll be able to see the heartbeat then. Not sure whether or not to say pray for "baby/sac B". But we will be able to see it better in two weeks. <br />
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A great spiritual feeling to know and trust when I'm hearing from God, even when things don't happen for 7 years. Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-21806750740993443752013-02-11T11:39:00.000-08:002013-02-13T18:08:32.715-08:00There are no words.You read the title and then I type lots of words to describe "no words". There just aren't any words deep enough to describe this week. I haven't cried in a while, but I knew it would soon come. I've started to cry, pregnancy hormones probably, more than grief (juggling act), but I've stopped myself b/c I like to know what I'm crying about. But everything can't be summed up in a word or even a sentence or thought.<br />
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I made Kirk's Valentine card today. (Sorry babe, you have a few more days to read it.) Valentine's was nothing more than a Hallmark holiday to us really. Kirk and I have birthdays a week apart and for both of these events we've been know to go to the store together, pick out a card for each other, let the other read it, and put it back on the shelf. <br />
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February 15, 2003- Ten years ago from Friday, Kirk proposed.<br />
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February 15, 2012- The first time I heard about anencephaly on TLC's A Baby Story.<br />
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February 16, 2012- Found out Kendall had anencephaly. Which was a Thursday.<br />
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February 14, 2013- We get to see our next/fourth baby for the first time. Thursday.<br />
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February 16, 2013- a year passed the worst day of my life, that will replay every year to come.<br />
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My mind can't decide between being happy or sad. And as you read, and as I think, I'd scream, BE HAPPY! But it isn't that easy. And happy verses sad, isn't really what it's all about. It's really about love. A love so deep that has no words. A love to be happy for, and a love that is ripped away. <br />
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The last thing I wrote to Kirk was just a simple "thank you" for being with me through it all. And the same goes to our God. He doesn't promise this world to be happy all the time, but He does promise to be with us every step of the way.<br />
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Happier post on Thursday. Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-48672787567146453762013-01-28T18:49:00.000-08:002013-01-29T09:04:10.358-08:00Kendall is a BIG SISTER!!News is out, and I'm sure God let Kendall be the first to know that she will be a big sister! I stated in a previous post that I wasn't sure if looking at a pregnancy test would ever be the same... it's still awesome! Dr. G said to wait 6+ months and we did. But once you have three kids, the science behind having a kid is easy and this one only took one try. Baby #4 will be born late September!<br />
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We are only 4 weeks along. Some people say, "Oh my gosh, that's early to be telling people." People are scared that something may happen (miscarriage, etc) but that's the exact reason I'm not afraid to tell people. There's nothing to hide, and why not have the prayers during the "unknown" time?<br />
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We are pretty excited. I'd say I'm 95% excited, 5% scared. I feel like the Lord's told me that everything will be okay. That we've been faithful through the last year and we are where He wants/asked us to be. But I can't say for sure if the roller coaster is completely over yet. But I can say that God is in control, and we're confident that we will walk in His path.<br />
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The kids were at my parent's house over night, the morning that we found out (Sunday, January 27, 2013). We went to church, then to my parents to tell them, and over to Kirk's parents to tell them. And we called some others.<br />
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It was nice to feel some hugs of joy from friends at church! Some in particular made me cry, because I knew they genuinely care about it and were as excited as we are. The love God has shown us through this past year continues. <br />
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Now, we said we thought Kendall would be our last, before we found out the devastating news... and some had said "at least you have two others" (not close friends)... So baby #4 (or if you recall from a previous post that it could be #4 and #5...) will never be a replacement for Kendall. Kendall is a part of our family, was a real human being and has a HUGE place in our hearts. She will never be replaced. But our hearts want three rascals running around this house. We have one more room to fill.and this opportunity is a blessing. One I never thought I'd have. To say I have 4 kids! To have the love expanded again. My dream was to be a mom... and I can't wait to do it again!<br />
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WHISPER: But it also secretly makes me wish I was the Duggers and could keep going and have more! I'll be done at 4 c-sections. <br />
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The kids- Drew is still little, but he gets that the baby is in my tummy... after some convincing that HE wasn't the baby. Since he doesn't know that we can bring babies home... we're not sure if he "gets" it, that WE'RE BRINGING THIS BABY HOME, and he isn't the baby that he might think he is. Kristen is excited and hoping this time for a boy. She's a numbers girl. There are 3 girls and 2 boys in this family and we must even that number out. Also, she has a brother and a sister and she realized that Drew only has two sisters and needs a brother as well. THEN we also have an AB pattern... girl, boy, girl, BOY? My one prayer request for her, is that she leaves the worrying to the adults. She has told us a couple times within the last 24 hours, "I want to bring this baby home." We've been positive, without giving too much false hope. Reminding her to keep praying. It's hard to hear her say that. But she has already given the new baby a few BIG HUGS today. I told her "thank you" for a hug and she said, "that was for the baby". LOL.<br />
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I called my doctor's nurse to schedule an appt today, but she didn't call me back, so I'll talk to them tomorrow, I'm sure. I'll have more to update and many u/s pictures to come!<br />
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Thank you everyone for your prayers and helping us get passed 300 likes on our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheKendallKeepsakeFoundation">Foundation Page</a>. In Foundation news, we also found out today that the IRS has received our paper work and that they will be looking it over and getting back to us soon! I also had the chance to do another nurse's training this week. Helping nurses train for situations unknown and exposing them to families with losses. <br />
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*HAPPY DANCE* First one in a long while. Another reason for another baby, healing the heart. <br />
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*Love you Atlanta! Good night!* (Like an end of a concert, Geddy Lee's voice from RUSH)<br />
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EDIT- I went in for blood work and will be in soon for a regular appt. Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-41845889547394600562013-01-12T16:37:00.001-08:002013-01-18T10:27:56.477-08:00What's in a name?Kristen was asking about names and why we named her Kristen, then remembered that we had a baby name book and got it out. We picked out a boy and girl name before knew Kendall would be a girl. We stuck with the K names and didn't think much about a meaning. A lot of people, after finding out about a fatal diagnosis use a name that has a deeper meaning. We just liked Kendall, in the beginning, and stuck with it. We weren't even going to find out which sex till the birth if she was healthy. <br />
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So we pulled out the baby name book again today and turned to Kendall, after finding Kristen and Kyle (Drew). First time in over a year...<br />
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And yes, her name is perfect for her. Some things still amaze me. <br />
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Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-59681513170445724012013-01-03T19:14:00.001-08:002013-01-03T19:23:43.952-08:00The After MathWritten for other moms that have loss a baby... <br />
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No one journey is the same. We can grieve together but no one will ever know each other's exact pain. Mothers of similar losses can chat and have similarities, but still wonder what to say to each other. Even for people who are able to talk about "it", no one could completely understand from one journey to another.<br />
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I thankfully haven't dealt with depression, but know some who is from a loss of a child. And as I have said in the past to her, that I was thinking and praying for her, I truly will never know her journey. But I'm thankful to know that she has a relationship with the Lord. He will keep fighting for her. <br />
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Today, in the land of online FB support groups, I found out that an anencephaly mom couldn't fight off her depression after about a month in a half after her baby went to Heaven. Something probably stronger than postpartum. She was starting to seek help, as she had spoken about it. At that time, I wasn't actively reading the comments on the board. She leaves behind a husband and son. And after word got around, many questions started to some out.<br />
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Are our babies in Heaven? What happens on "the other side"? Why she couldn't fight harder? If believers could give an answer to whether this mom was in Heaven? Was suicide a sin? <br />
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People are seeking.What does this life mean? Why are we here? Where do we go after we die? People are seeking answers. And some people are giving answers, but are they right? Who is right? Some answers lead the wrong direction.<br />
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Maybe we aren't supposed to have all the answers.<br />
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The one and only answer we need is God/Jesus Christ. <br />
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To have the faith that He will overcome anything and everything that is put before us. He is seeking a relationship with you.<br />
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I blog about having faith <a href="http://godsgrowingfamily.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-kendall-keepsake-foundation.html" target="_blank">here</a>. Another great book to read other than the Bible, is <u>One Heartbeat Away</u>. Which you can get free on this <a href="http://www.markcahill.org/resource.html" target="_blank">website</a>, scroll down to the bottom to find the book. <span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271">Another great resource is <a href="http://www.gospelway.com/topics.php">GospelWay.com</a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1489567750195988766"> </a></span><br />
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I didn't go to Theology school and don't claim to have all the answers, and I do seek some answers as well, but I do so in the Bible. And as our babies have a purpose for their short lives, so we have a purpose for ours.<br />
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This would be a good time to go to the <a href="http://godsgrowingfamily.blogspot.com/p/songs.html">SONGS </a>link on right column. And let God lead you as your listen.<br />
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I leave you with some scripture...<br />
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<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=job%201&version=NIV" target="_blank">Job 1 </a><br />
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<b>God given strength in the depths of depression:</b><br />
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Psalms 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.</div>
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Psalms 42:11 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.</div>
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Jeremiah 29:11 <span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NIV-19647"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. [Not only for our children but also ourselves]</span></div>
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2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who
comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort
those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we
ourselves are comforted by God.</div>
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1 Corinthians 10:13 - God is faithful, who will not allow you to be
tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make
the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. God absolutely
promises that there is no such thing as a problem in this life that is
beyond our ability to endure.<br />
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Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.<br />
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James 5:10,11 - When we are suffering, we need to remember the example of men of God who suffered: Jesus, Paul, especially Job.<br />
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James 1:2-4 <span class="text Jas-1-2"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,<sup> </sup>whenever you face trials of many kinds,</span><span class="text Jas-1-3" id="en-NIV-30270"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.</span><span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.</span><br />
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<span class="text Jas-1-4" id="en-NIV-30271"><br /></span> Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-4635212004612594942012-12-25T19:08:00.001-08:002012-12-25T19:08:40.983-08:00First ChristmasUsually I get a sentence out before starting to tear up, but just trying to think about how I'd start this one off I already need a tissue. <br />
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It's our first Christmas. Not first to celebrate or first as a Christian. And not even just the first without Kendall, but the first as our "new selves". And I did tear up a little today as the day went through. Once, I was remembering that I haven't journaled for Kristen and Drew lately. And remembering back to my last journal for Kendall before starting this blog. Just to remember back to when we thought everything was going perfect. <br />
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We had Christmas Eve with Kirk's family and my family came to our house early this morning. And normal activities with family were fine. Everyone excited to watch the kids rip into things. The one thing tangible on my list that I wanted the most was a new machine to use for the foundation. The foundation is my thing to keep me connected to Kendall and the pay-it-forward part is what is keeping me sane. <br />
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And just staying real, I don't have a tissue and just wiped my nose with my arm... I'm good... too lazy to get up... And my mom would ask why I would write that... and it's basically to show that through the day smiles and laughter wins through some tears.<br />
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With a break in the rain this afternoon, Kirk, Kristen, Drew, and myself went to visit Kendall. My second cry came from Kirk bending down and telling her "Bye-bye and Merry Christmas" as we were about to leave. My mind was thinking, "You shouldn't have to say that. It's just not fair."<br />
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And the third, not having much to do with Kendall, but God just letting me know He's listening.... Tucking Kristen into bed, she usually says her silent prayer and then I'll pray out loud. I had a little thought before she started to pray.... *I wish I could hear her prayer*<br />
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And a split second later, "Mommy, I wanna pray so you can hear me."<br />
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"Okay." Playing like it was no big deal... *HUGE GRIN*<br />
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I finished up and went to take out my contacts... And was thinking about what was my best present to receive. We asked Kristen what hers was. And we were talking about if Jesus gave Kendall a present. (Side note: Kristen thinks of Kendall as a 2-3-ish year old as well) And as much as I needed (I say "needed" b/c if I can't have my child, I better at least get the one material thing I wanted that connects me to her) the machine... it wasn't the machine. But continue to know God is listening and to hear Kristen's sweet voice as she prayed.<br />
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Merry Christmas baby girl... Kristen said Jesus knows how to braid your hair like hers! <br />
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Update on Foundation- check is written with paper work in the mail. Literally just waiting on the IRS! Who knows how long that will take. But now I have to learn how to use my Christmas present! <br />
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<a href="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1784_10200258456847336_1678388267_n.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img alt="" border="0" class="spotlight" height="400" src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1784_10200258456847336_1678388267_n.jpg" style="height: 558px; width: 419px;" width="300" /> </a><br />
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<img alt="" class="spotlight" height="300" src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/603267_10200258458647381_1619242373_n.jpg" style="height: 558px; width: 744px;" width="400" /> Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-65949456547410089462012-12-16T19:45:00.001-08:002012-12-17T04:40:04.683-08:00Needed An "Ugly Cry"Haven't cried too much till Thursday night before bed, but haven't let up since with the CT kids. <br />
It started off with something personal and on going; something I don't want to go I to detail here. Little things that would be stupid if anyone else talked about them sneak up and hit me when least expecting. <br />
Then Friday came. I am saddened for the families of the ones killed. But my sadness is different. People post that they "can't imagine". I might not be able to imagine a horrific scene that took place, but I can imagine and will for the rest of my life, what it is like to live without one of your children. <br />
And then some jealousy comes in. I'm aware that sounds wrong... Those families will have each other to lean on. Memories of their children laughing and playing. People who knew their children and can say "remember when..." And I'm sure there will be many events to come in remembrance and huge gatherings of love to continue to pour out. <br />
When you lose an infant, there aren't too many people that can truly understand. The people I turn to the most, besides Kirk, are moms online who I will never meet. I somewhat look forward to "A Walk to Remember" with other families, but I don't know them either. And now not too many, even family, say much about Kendall. <br />
Yes, I know that there's not that much to say. Sometimes I don't have the words either. But I rather talk about her than hide her. The pain is and will always be there, even when I have a smile on my face. <br />
I'm thankful for a friend, Kathy, today for reminding us that other people are closer to home are hurting as much as those families in CT. I needed someone to remember (me- and I hate to be selfish or self centered) It made me cry but it was a cry of thankfulness. <br />
Typing this on a dying phone, so I will edit mistakes later...Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-76576046453308792202012-12-06T07:08:00.001-08:002012-12-06T07:23:21.328-08:00Happy 1/2 Birthday!Thank you everyone for all your prayers through the holidays! Thanksgiving wasn't that bad. I think it's because it was "normal". I don't have any memories or traditions with the kids, that we would have continued with Kendall. Today might be a different story.<br />
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Kendall would be 6 months old today. And doing so much that I won't dwell on. But we started a tradition with Kristen and Drew that we will continue today with Kendall. Unfortunately we're squeezing it in, but it is happening, and that's what counts the most... that we don't skip it. Kirk and I have been to O'Charley's on each first 1/2 birthday for the kids. And with Kristen's school play tonight, we'll be there for the "realllly early bird".<br />
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That said, we're really excited that Kristen gets to be the angel Gabriel tonight!She's a beautiful angel today as well, with her little sister watching over her.<br />
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Today's Song:</div>
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Amy Grant- <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPbV_HTpyx0" target="_blank">Breath of Heaven</a></div>
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I have traveled many moonless nights,<br />
Cold and weary with a babe inside,<br />
And I wonder what I've done.<br />
Holy father you have come,<br />
And chosen me now to carry your son.<br />
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I am waiting in a silent prayer.<br />
I am frightened by the load I bear.<br />
In a world as cold as stone,<br />
Must I walk this path alone?<br />
Be with me now.<br />
Be with me now.<br />
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Breath of heaven,<br />
Hold me together,<br />
Be forever near me,<br />
Breath of heaven.<br />
Breath of heaven,<br />
Lighten my darkness,<br />
Pour over me your holiness,<br />
For you are holy.<br />
Breath of heaven.<br />
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Do you wonder as you watch my face,<br />
If a wiser one should have had my place,<br />
But I offer all I am<br />
For the mercy of your plan.<br />
Help me be strong.<br />
Help me be.<br />
Help me.</div>
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<img alt="" class="spotlight" src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/395037_619855193815_1046327200_n.jpg" style="height: 558px; width: 417px;" /><br />
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Christmas cards are in the mail for a lot of you... but I wanted to post our Christmas letter here as well:<br />
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Dear Family and Friends, <br />
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We're not ones who usually type up anything with our Christmas cards, but this year hasn't been like any other. We'd like to continue our "thanks" for all you have done for us this year and for your continued prayers. <br />
I recently gave my testimony to the high schoolers at our church. Part of it told about my last days as a senior in high school, where I was handed a note card and asked to write where I'd like to be in 10 years. I wrote "1) Graduated college 2) Married 3) with kids". I realized that God let me do my check list. Thankfully God was still apart of the those ten years for Kirk and I to build a foundation on our marriage. This passed year God basically said, "You had your ten years, and now it's my turn". <br />
The hardest part of my journey with Kendall was the day we found out she had anencephaly. I never said "Why me?" but "What am I to learn from this?" Looking back on this passed year, I can see where things fit together like a puzzle to where we are now. God has broken us. But He has broken us to remold us (Is. 64:8). And Kendall was sent with a purpose (Is. 6:8).<br />
Since being in the hospital, I've wanted to be able to help others in similar situations. My sister-in-law felt called to help and we've started <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheKendallKeepsakeFoundation" target="_blank">The Kendall Keepsake Foundation</a>. Our non-profit will be encouraging families to go full term, letting them know their babies have a purpose and helping families that lose babies too soon capture moments with hand and foot print art. I know that I could not have started this without knowing how it is to be in their shoes (2 Cor. 1:3-7). He has called me to let them know their child is in Heaven with Him, and to share how they guarantee that they will be their baby again (John 3:16).<br />
God lit a fire under me. I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be, but I'm learning how to be a better disciple (Matt. 28:19, Acts 1:8, Rom. 1:6). So please keep the foundation in your prayers, so that we continue to put God first and walk in His path. <br />
November is the month of Thankfulness with Thanksgiving Day, although we should be thankful all the time. And people did their days on Facebook, but this year I did "thankful verses". I started that with a heavy heart at the beginning of November, because it had been a year since we knew Kendall was on the way. Yes, I'm thankful for a lot, but I found it hard to actually write "I'm thankful for..." (1 Thessalonians 5:18) Was I truly thankful for Kendall's death? So I prayed over those verses and remembered Isaiah 6:8, as it was Kendall who was sent. And if she were able to tell God, "Here I am Lord, send me". How could I not be proud of her and how could I not be thankful for how our lives have changed, as we grow closer to God because of her?<br />
I could have just blogged all this, and I might also post this, but not everyone who is reading this would have read the blog. It's Christmas time, and I'm truly putting Christ in Christmas, because if He's not, then what are you celebrating? Our baby came to die, just as God sent His Son... to change us. Jesus was not just sent for us, but for everyone (1 John 4). Without the Lord, how do we survive moments as these? <br />
We took our family pictures this Fall with Kendall represented by the lamb we had at the hospital and a doll a friend made us. She is always with us. The kids are doing very well. And Kirk and I will never be the same. But we can truly thank God for that! <br />
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May God bless you and Merry Christmas, <br />
The Cribb's<br />
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<img alt="" class="spotlight" src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/308812_616821438485_1445973619_n.jpg" style="height: 558px; width: 319px;" />Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-11979716235952064532012-10-29T18:20:00.002-07:002012-10-29T18:20:55.847-07:00A Year<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/s480x480/384229_615283710105_1457347809_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/s480x480/384229_615283710105_1457347809_n.jpg" width="238" /> </a></div>
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It's not a year since Kendall's been gone, but a year since we found out she was on the way. I remember telling someone at a Halloween Party last year that I didn't want a "drunkin' gummy bear" she was offering b/c I didn't know if we were pregnant or not. I have taken enough pregnancy test, that I do the cheapo Dollar Store ones before wasting money on the $15 ones. This one changed colors immediately, no need for waiting. I think I told Kirk, "go on in and see" with a huge grin. He was thinking, "Already?" </div>
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After telling family, we made it "FBO" (FB Official) November 1st, when starting my 25 Days of Thankfulness for Thanksgiving. </div>
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Looking back on this picture now brings some happy emotions. To remember how happy we were. And also to know how loved she is. But it also hurts to see this picture. Because that exact feeling of joyfulness at that moment probably won't come again. If we become pregnant again, we won't be doing the <i>same </i>"happy dance". It will be excitement with a side of scare to death. And until we meet that child and know it is 100% healthy, we will be holding our breaths. </div>
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Kendall, You were wanted, you were planned, you are loved, and we miss you. </div>
<br />Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-20881960462009188792012-10-23T11:31:00.000-07:002012-10-29T17:58:31.952-07:00Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month<br />
Today's song: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JsRxVczmQ" target="_blank">Strong Enough </a><br />
<br />
We're not strong enough without God pulling us through... we don't have to be strong enough. I've been reading Mark Cahill's book, <u>One HeartBeat Away</u>, and getting a lot of inspiration for how to talk to people about being a Christian. And between the book and the song today, I keep getting ideas for our website and how to talk to people... <br />
<br />
I haven't blog in a while unless it's been about the foundation, which I'm still really excited about, but it's slow getting started... so there isn't much of an update there.<br />
<br />
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month...<br />
<br />
(Backing Up)<br />
Our church had a "Super September Celebration" where each Sunday in September was something new and different from the regular. There was Sugo John who was in the Twin Towers on Sept. 11, 2001. Mark Cahill came and spoke, as well. The last Sunday was spontaneous baptism week. We knew there would be a baptism, just not 46 of them! It was really awesome to watch. We had Kristen with us. Kirk and I both some type of pull to go up as well, but confused on what was drawing us and we didn't. We had both been Christians and baptized, so we decided to ask our pastor what we needed to do.<br />
<br />
My email summarized stated that after what we'd been through the past 10 months, we aren't who we were anymore. (And in a lot of ways that stinks. Our minds go places that we would never had thought of before.) But our strength in God and our walk with him has multiplied, which has been amazing. In a sense we've "grown up". Trivial things of life, don't seem to matter as much when you know how fragile life can be.You can always say that you know how fragile life is, but until you experience death outside the "norm" (older people), you probably don't really know. And sometimes that's an innocence I wish I still had. <br />
<br />
We also have Baby Dedication coming up. We felt through our experience and the foundation we're committing to dedicate Kendall's life to God by continuing to share Jesus with others in similar situations, and because of her- is the reason we are who we are today. I'm not sure if I could be at Baby Dedication without being apart of it some how. If I wasn't I'd be torn up and have to skip the service probably. <br />
<br />
A couple of weeks have gone by. We celebrated Kendall's life with Northside at their Walk to Remember, October 14. We were out of town for our Disney trip (Oct 17-21) which was great and healing to make fun memories with Kristen and Drew. My parents and grandmother also come with us.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Walk to Remember 2012</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Someone's cart at Disney (I know the spelling is off)</td></tr>
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<br />
After speaking with our Pastor a few times, we knew that
re-dedication was what better defined what we needed more than a
baptism. And to not possibly confuse some people at church during dedication, we will be going up towards the end of service for Pastor Bob to share our story.<br />
<br />
So I'm thankful that this will be the way we're tying up our Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month. Celebrating Kendall and re-dedicating our new selves to God because of what we've been through with her. <br />
<br />
Love you Kendall! <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-59270708141953719162012-09-30T19:50:00.000-07:002012-09-30T19:50:44.422-07:00Foundation UpdateWe have our EIN number and ready to go tot the bank for setting up an account. We, Ashlee and I, just need to find the time in our schedules to go together. We're almost finished with the 501c3 paper work. And we have set up a Facebook Page and have a website ready to be published once we have the bank account.<br />
<br />
Please 'Like' us on FB: https://www.facebook.com/TheKendallKeepsakeFoundation<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">This
isn't for us to have numbers. This, I hope, won't be for your benefit. But
to get the word out to others in the Atlanta area that might need our
services. Take a minute to read and don't be afraid to 'share', b/c a
friend of a friend might need our help. </span></span><br />
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><br /></span></span>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">If there is anyone needing our services before we're "official", it won't stop us from helping anyway. </span></span>Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-44880206497688358192012-09-25T07:46:00.000-07:002012-09-25T07:46:29.221-07:00If I Die Young<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_5"><span class="smline sm">Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother</span></span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_6"><span class="smline sm"> </span></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_6"><span class="smline sm">She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors</span></span> </span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_7">Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_8"> </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_8">Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby</span></span><br />
<br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_8">-The Band Perry </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_8"><br /></span></span>
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_8">These aren't lyrics that I just came across. When Kirk and I were in Hilton Head after the funeral, we sat eating at a restaurant outside on a deck, while they had a live singer. Thankful I had sunglasses to cover the tears. Heard them again this morning, while working on the foundation website. I'm always looking for rainbows. Even on days it doesn't rain. </span></span>Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-64211940648017131972012-09-06T19:18:00.000-07:002012-09-07T09:57:58.276-07:00Happy 3 Months to my Special KYesterday I felt the weight of the world was upon me. Anyone from Atlanta that listens to 104.7 lately has heard of <a href="http://www.hannahrinehart.org/" target="_blank">Mark and Hannah</a>. I went to school with Mark. Hannah passed away yesterday morning. And I could feel that deep pain that he must have been feeling.<br />
<br />
Someone in a child loss group stated, "<span class="userContent">Depending on how far down Grief Rd. you are,
you may have already realized that you are a little stronger than you
were before. You may know what I mean when I describe it as a little
tougher and softer, at the same time. It reminds me of superhero's in
the tv and movies. Just for the simple commonality that they too have an
enlightened sense of being, but only after some personal traumatic
event. Not all super hero's are the same though, they all have some
specific attribute unique to thier circumstance. <b>What is your superhero attribute?</b>"</span><br />
<br />
<span class="userContent">One person said they are really good at pretending. Putting on a mask for everyone else, when in the inside no one really knows her anymore. Some people after a child loss feel like they just don't fit in with anyone anymore. Mine was that I've realized that I probably have felt one of the deepest hurts and I can pick up on other's real pain very easily. Empathy, times a million. Like Superman could hear everyone crying out for help all at once and it drove him bonkers before he could control it. </span><br />
<span class="userContent"><br /></span>
<span class="userContent">The world is full of pain without hate, wars, bullying, etc. I didn't know Hannah, and barely knew Mark from high school band, but the loss is still there. Not only did I message Mark, but I found Hannah's mom and messaged her. I told Mark that I wasn't going to compared losing a spouse to a child, but from one mom to another I reached out. </span><br />
<span class="userContent"><br /></span>
<span class="userContent">Today is Kristen's 5th birthday and Kendall's 3 months in heaven. I knew the kids' birthdays would all be close, so from day one of knowing Kendall was on the way I was looking forward to saying, "I have a 5yo, 2yo (Aug 18), and 3mo." </span><br />
<span class="userContent"><br /></span>
<span class="userContent">Friends arranged for us to meet at the cemetery once my kids were both in school today. When they were talking about going to see Kendall, I said sure, not thinking we could spend more than twenty minutes there. We stayed 2 hours! It was nice. Not a blue sky day, but perfect for watching balloons fly! We each wrote a note and sent it off together. </span><br />
<span class="userContent"><br /></span>
<span class="userContent">I didn't take pictures today. I purposely left my phone in the car to spend quality time instead. I read my balloon out loud with hesitation. I almost stopped and let them read it, but I had to force myself to feel. I can easily think things in my head, but to say things out loud is like it's really real. I wrote something about watching over us and that she would be holding her head up stronger, smiling and laughing if she were here. (Side note: I don't really think of her as a baby when thinking about her in heaven. More like a 3yo.)</span><br />
<br />
<span class="userContent">Just a short time of tears within the 2 hours, the rest was nice. Just chatted and showed my friends the "new hangout spot" (the pond and the baby section that we didn't choose). Kristen was sad that she didn't get to write on a balloon, so we'll be doing that again soon for her. </span><br />
<span class="userContent"><br /></span>
<span class="userContent">And as for Big K on her birthday... we already had a joint birthday party for her and Drew, so she chose one friend to come to dinner tonight with. It happen to be the daughter of someone who helped give their time and skills to us for Kendall's announcements, before even knowing who we were. So it was a good time celebrate and say thanks to new friends! </span><br />
<span class="userContent"><br /></span>
<span class="userContent">Great Day!</span><br />
<span class="userContent"><br /></span>
<span class="userContent"><br /></span>Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-33467718817292018092012-08-28T11:01:00.002-07:002012-08-28T15:03:03.485-07:00Kendall Keepsake Foundation<br />
So, in building our non profit Ashlee told me to pray for someone to
help us with legal stuff. I knew no one to ask. And every Tuesday The <a href="http://www.thefishatlanta.com/page/Kevin_%26_Taylor/93" target="_blank">Fish </a>would
do Random Acts of Kindness, where someone would call in and ask for
help with something. I thought about it and decided to call this
morning. I posted about it on our FB prayer page last night and got up to listen this morning. The song before they asked people to call in was How He Loves, one of our funeral songs and I started praying hard and crying. I had a feeling something awesome would happen. I told God that no matter if I got through or not, this was going to happen some way or form. I called...<br />
<br />
And got through! Shaking and sniffling, and trying to sum up our story quickly.<br />
<br />
John called in afterwards and said he'd help! Awesome guy!<br />
<br />
We're on our way! <br />
<br />
I've said a little here and there about what we'd like to accomplish, so here's more:<br />
<br />
To
spread the love of Jesus Christ by providing parents of unborn children
with an adverse diagnosis with a keepsake package to memorialize their
child through creative and personalized art that embraces the legacy of
life that God has created.<br />
<br />
As prenatal testing
advances, more families are finding themselves faced with heartbreaking
news and their world comes crashing down. In the mix of emotions, they
have choices to make. Do they carry on with the pregnancy? <br />
<br />
Some people consider these babies lives medically futile and pointless. <br />
<br />
We
will be providing a service for these parents to honor their child’s
life, no matter how short. We want to provide more information to
mothers on the benefits to carrying to term and how it works into God’s
natural plan. It’s not about waiting for death, but embracing and
celebrating a life. <br />
<br />
Choosing to continue a pregnancy
is a parenting decision that honors the parent and child. It allows
parents to protect their baby for as long as they can; just as if it
were another healthy child, doing everything possible for that child’s
survival. Then, when and if the child’s death occurs, that time is a
peaceful and natural goodbye in God’s timing. <br />
<br />
We're
building an organization that goes in and works with the parents in the
hospital by creating foot and handprint art with the family. Something
to display at home that celebrates their life. This will also allow us
to be in contact with them before birth and have a way to encourage more
mom's to carry to term.<br />
<br />
We will be starting locally in
Atlanta, targeting certain hospitals. We're going to be building the
foundation first and getting a portfolio together, making brochures for
the doctors offices, and making a website. Then we can be contacted by
the parents; even those who would like it done for a baby that doesn't
go full term, therefore getting our foot in the door before termination.
And if that is still their decision, then we still have the opportunity
to share the word of Christ with these families. <br />
<br />
Future
target artist could include art therapist, art students, crafty people
in general and other grieving family members. For mothers who have been
though these situations, giving their time to do art for other parents
can act as their own art therapy; a way to remember their child and be
able to share their story. <br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christmas Ornaments</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5nkpzy8MEYH8aZv0FdJwAhlPjrm02aPZbeBkERcjdSHv5dquF6PphxXqASjKvFeArZRL4P0krQpFscVtmfnqRL4fj1a1TlJy8QnkIfVoKNxe2fF42h0ZkhagN-i_eCtqjndb_O7J0rWs/s1600/Both+Keychain.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5nkpzy8MEYH8aZv0FdJwAhlPjrm02aPZbeBkERcjdSHv5dquF6PphxXqASjKvFeArZRL4P0krQpFscVtmfnqRL4fj1a1TlJy8QnkIfVoKNxe2fF42h0ZkhagN-i_eCtqjndb_O7J0rWs/s320/Both+Keychain.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Keychains</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD4yHYOqjsUzSIWfw_zZKpxFS2nf1XZQt1KrsC9GD3Rxoj7p6UMfwnOLA7x3-Raz3jVi8mT3wjLFqvhtD6HwtJQG5277RNJLc-qgbFyICkS961WqOSV8IzLbDarDJ1aenYOGsiN-06BUM/s1600/Coasters.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="159" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD4yHYOqjsUzSIWfw_zZKpxFS2nf1XZQt1KrsC9GD3Rxoj7p6UMfwnOLA7x3-Raz3jVi8mT3wjLFqvhtD6HwtJQG5277RNJLc-qgbFyICkS961WqOSV8IzLbDarDJ1aenYOGsiN-06BUM/s320/Coasters.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Coasters</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Designs</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggVG38ML48tEkRpBy-kqk0QyoHKcz-DS94WsON36MWm9OK8Oaa7OXONE6kvOOT_F8qmUt0L4VWIbvUn6-qnfRk17DvMuxYTaQhW8wc4plbNfIP6lm9y_XjTJfcTumozxHgjEci0SwZ-fg/s1600/LOVE.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggVG38ML48tEkRpBy-kqk0QyoHKcz-DS94WsON36MWm9OK8Oaa7OXONE6kvOOT_F8qmUt0L4VWIbvUn6-qnfRk17DvMuxYTaQhW8wc4plbNfIP6lm9y_XjTJfcTumozxHgjEci0SwZ-fg/s320/LOVE.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Canvases</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Molds</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Monogramming </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Art for the whole family</td></tr>
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Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489567750195988766.post-84680561431576500222012-08-20T19:34:00.000-07:002012-08-21T09:12:00.545-07:00Dear KendallWe miss you and think of your often (non stop in my case). After picking Kristen up from school today, we headed over to the cemetery. I brought a hamburger bun for Drew and Kristen to feed the fish. There are ducks too, but they usually don't come to get food when we've been there with bread. I'm glad feeding the animals makes it a fun place to return with your sister and brother, so we can come often. <br />
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Today the cows were out in the adjacent field. We were looking at the baby calves, then it seemed like a stampede started. The horses must have seen us before we saw them, and they came running to see us. The cows knew to get out of the way. Drew was a little scared to be next to such a big animal, but I picked Kristen up to pet the horses. <br />
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From there, we went and visited you. Took some pictures and looked around a little before heading over to the pond. <br />
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The fish know when people come to feed them. They were waiting, looking at us. They would have followed us around if we didn't stay in one spot. We started feeding the fish a little before the ducks came waddling up. I'm not sure why they didn't fly from where they were. There was one duck that wasn't like the rest. It became a good lesson for Kristen to learn the difference between "weird looking" and "different because God made him that way". <br />
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<span id="goog_714040342"></span><span id="goog_714040343"></span><br />Cribb Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14980942987035605148noreply@blogger.com1