Monday, October 29, 2012

A Year

It's not a year since Kendall's been gone, but a year since we found out she was on the way. I remember telling someone at a Halloween Party last year that I didn't want a "drunkin' gummy bear" she was offering b/c I didn't know if we were pregnant or not. I have taken enough pregnancy test, that I do the cheapo Dollar Store ones before wasting money on the $15 ones. This one changed colors immediately, no need for waiting. I think I told Kirk, "go on in and see" with a huge grin. He was thinking, "Already?" 

After telling family, we made it "FBO" (FB Official) November 1st, when starting my 25 Days of Thankfulness for Thanksgiving.

Looking back on this picture now brings some happy emotions. To remember how happy we were. And also to know how loved she is. But it also hurts to see this picture. Because that exact feeling of joyfulness at that moment probably won't come again. If we become pregnant again, we won't be doing the same "happy dance". It will be excitement with a side of scare to death. And until we meet that child and know it is 100% healthy, we will be holding our breaths.

Kendall, You were wanted, you were planned, you are loved, and we miss you.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month

Today's song: Strong Enough

We're not strong enough without God pulling us through... we don't have to be strong enough. I've been reading Mark Cahill's book, One HeartBeat Away, and getting a lot of inspiration for how to talk to people about being a Christian. And between the book and the song today, I keep getting ideas for our website and how to talk to people...

I haven't blog in a while unless it's been about the foundation, which I'm still really excited about, but it's slow getting started... so there isn't much of an update there.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month...

(Backing Up)
Our church had a "Super September Celebration" where each Sunday in September was something new and different from the regular. There was Sugo John who was in the Twin Towers on Sept. 11, 2001. Mark Cahill came and spoke, as well. The last Sunday was spontaneous baptism week. We knew there would be a baptism, just not 46 of them! It was really awesome to watch. We had Kristen with us. Kirk and I both some type of pull to go up as well, but confused on what was drawing us and we didn't. We had both been Christians and baptized, so we decided to ask our pastor what we needed to do.

My email summarized stated that after what we'd been through the past 10 months, we aren't who we were anymore. (And in a lot of ways that stinks. Our minds go places that we would never had thought of before.) But our strength in God and our walk with him has multiplied, which has been amazing. In a sense we've "grown up". Trivial things of life, don't seem to matter as much when you know how fragile life can be.You can always say that you know how fragile life is, but until you experience death outside the "norm" (older people), you probably don't really know. And sometimes that's an innocence I wish I still had.

We also have Baby Dedication coming up. We felt through our experience and the foundation we're committing to dedicate Kendall's life to God by continuing to share Jesus with others in similar situations, and because of her- is the reason we are who we are today. I'm not sure if I could be at Baby Dedication without being apart of it some how. If I wasn't I'd be torn up and have to skip the service probably.

A couple of weeks have gone by. We celebrated Kendall's life with Northside at their Walk to Remember, October 14. We were out of town for our Disney trip (Oct 17-21) which was great and healing to make fun memories with Kristen and Drew. My parents and grandmother also come with us.
Walk to Remember 2012

Someone's cart at Disney (I know the spelling is off)

After speaking with our Pastor a few times, we knew that re-dedication was what better defined what we needed more than a baptism. And to not possibly confuse some people at church during dedication, we will be going up towards the end of service for Pastor Bob to share our story.

So I'm thankful that this will be the way we're tying up our Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month. Celebrating Kendall and re-dedicating our new selves to God because of what we've been through with her.

Love you Kendall!