Thursday, February 23, 2012

One Week Down

One weeks gone by and this subject matter in the post might be all over, as I have little pieces of different things in my head... so I'm thinking about where to start.

I could have typed an entry last night, but Kirk and I spent some quality/snuggle time in front of the TV together, watching our shows we DVR. I know I could do anything with God alone, but I feel like I couldn't get through this without him, Kirk. We've never had to doubt our marriage or our love for each other. We've been married 8 years this coming July. And if it weren't for our kids, we'd still feel like we were in the honeymoon phase. Thank you Kirk for standing with me, and I am always here for you.

I wanted to give an update on Kristen. God provided me with a conversation with friend that was quickly passing through the sanctuary on Wednesday night, as I was sitting alone searching through my Bible. I'm not usually in there, and she doesn't usually cut through to go where she was going. We had already spoken and she felt there was something else she needed to talk to me about. Where our conversation went helped me out a lot in a couple different places. She had told her daughter, 2nd grade, about Kendall. So I asked how she did it. Today Kristen asked why people were bringing us dinners and I explained it like this: "They wanted us to know they are praying for us and Kendall. And want Kendall to get better." She then asked if Kendall was "sick". And I said "No. Kristen, knock on your head. You know how your head is hard? That is your skull. And inside it is your brain." Kristen, "Is your brain soft?" Me, "Yes, I guess (never touched one). When we grow in mommy's tummy, our cells are coming together to build our bodies. But those cells for Kendall didn't form for her skull. So that is why we are praying for Kendall and her skull." She seemed to understand a lot better. The first conversation with her on Monday night wasn't that detailed on what was really "wrong" with Kendall, so this conversation was good for her understanding.

I also wanted to add, that if you know Kristen from church or school, feel free to let her know you are praying for her sister. I don't think that would be something anyone would have to avoid. It's good to show her that we pray for each other.

The next part of my conversation with my friend was about God having a plan for everyone. And I know that, but as she told me about her story, she said something to the effect that 'when God's plan is fulfilled by that person, He can take them back to be with Him'. And how awesome is it that Kendall will be able to fulfill something for God while being not even born or just a baby? How we long, as Christians, to be more like Him. We struggle to know what God wants for us and from us.  And lastly, calming,  was about the possibility that God might be protecting her from something else that could have been too hard to handle for her in her future. Thank you Lana for being late to your class and stopping to talk to me again!

God doesn't give you more than you can handle-- many people have said this and I've read it, and it helps me get through. But man, why do I have to be able to handle so much? Talking with another friend, as people have commented on how strong I am, I told her my original testimony... Keep this in mind... who's testimony through God really starts at 12 years old? And luckily, I already had this typed and I only copied and pasted.

Testimony of where my faith begins:
I grew up in a Christian home, knew about God/Jesus and became a Christian myself late in elementary school. In 5th grade is when I was ready to show the church and be baptized. That was all and good,  but I wasn't sure I "saw" God working in my life at that point in my life.

Two years later my grandparents from Ohio moved down to Georgia b/c my grandfather was really sick with cancer. The night of Christmas Eve I knelt down next to my bed to pray for my grandfather. My specific prayer was that he wouldn't have to suffer through Christmas, even if that meant having him gone from us.

The next morning was a relief and a shock for me, as my grandfather was in Heaven.  God was real. God hears me. But did I do this? Should I have prayed that prayer? That Christmas wasn't as joyful while opening gifts, as the adults and my grandmother held back tears. And through the next few days, we were  up in Ohio for the funeral. I remember seeing his body and feeling sad. Seeing everyone around me sad, probably some tears... but none from me.  I even TRIED to cry. I was still in shock, and no one else knew what I was going through. And I'm sure there were some good moments my family shared, so it wasn't all tears.

From then on, I felt my life change, but I didn't know I had a story forming.  One thing I do remember is shaping up around my "friends". Cleaning up the potty mouth, that was "cool" in the  day.

Three more years went by, and this time it was the weekend before Thanksgiving and my other grandfather was suffering with a different cancer. My dad had just picked me up at school after I returned from an indoor drum line competition. He told me on the way home that they weren't sure how long my grandfather had left. That night, I knew in my heart that I was in the same situation and prayed the exact same prayer as three years before.

As my father woke me up early the next morning to let me know they were headed to the hospital and that my grandfather had passed, I felt a more peaceful feeling. I went back to bed, as I was to watch over my sister (4 years younger) the next morning, if they weren't back.

You better believe that my emotions came flowing out at this funeral, more than the last one. At this point, I knew I had something special. Not only a strange (to most other people) story or testimony as it has come to be, but it opened my eyes up to the wonders of God. And showed me, even through the very little things in life, how wonderful He is. How much He loves us. That He is listening and caring. Through events so hard, that He is there for us.

And at the end I had written:
This part of my testimony will always be the start of my story, but since then it has grown with the way I met my husband, having a family.... and it will continue to grow and change.

And I will end this post with:
I love telling God's story. It gives me such joy and I feel Him smiling down on us.

 From my ladies Bible study of "Brave"... Romans 8:5-6
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

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