Kendall is a BIG SISTER!!

News is out, and I'm sure God let Kendall be the first to know that she will be a big sister! I stated in a previous post that I wasn't sure if looking at a pregnancy test would ever be the same... it's still awesome! Dr. G said to wait 6+ months and we did. But once you have three kids, the science behind having a kid is easy and this one only took one try. Baby #4 will be born late September!

We are only 4 weeks along. Some people say, "Oh my gosh, that's early to be telling people." People are scared that something may happen (miscarriage, etc) but that's the exact reason I'm not afraid to tell people. There's nothing to hide, and why not have the prayers during the "unknown" time?

We are pretty excited. I'd say I'm 95% excited, 5% scared. I feel like the Lord's told me that everything will be okay. That we've been faithful through the last year and we are where He wants/asked us to be. But I can't say for sure if the roller coaster is completely over yet. But I can say that God is in control, and we're confident that we will walk in His path.

The kids were at my parent's house over night, the morning that we found out (Sunday, January 27, 2013). We went to church, then to my parents to tell them, and over to Kirk's parents to tell them. And we called some others.

It was nice to feel some hugs of joy from friends at church! Some in particular made me cry, because I knew they genuinely care about it and were as excited as we are. The love God has shown us through this past year continues.

Now, we said we thought Kendall would be our last, before we found out the devastating news... and some had said "at least you have two others" (not close friends)... So baby #4 (or if you recall from a previous post that it could be #4 and #5...) will never be a replacement for Kendall. Kendall is a part of our family, was a real human being and has a HUGE place in our hearts. She will never be replaced. But our hearts want three rascals running around this house. We have one more room to fill.and this opportunity is a blessing. One I never thought I'd have. To say I have 4 kids! To have the love expanded again. My dream was to be a mom... and I can't wait to do it again!

WHISPER: But it also secretly makes me wish I was the Duggers and could keep going and have more! I'll be done at 4 c-sections.

The kids- Drew is still little, but he gets that the baby is in my tummy... after some convincing that HE wasn't the baby. Since he doesn't know that we can bring babies home... we're not sure if he "gets" it, that WE'RE BRINGING THIS BABY HOME, and he isn't the baby that he might think he is. Kristen is excited and hoping this time for a boy. She's a numbers girl. There are 3 girls and 2 boys in this family and we must even that number out. Also, she has a brother and a sister and she realized that Drew only has two sisters and needs a brother as well. THEN we also have an AB pattern... girl, boy, girl, BOY? My one prayer request for her, is that she leaves the worrying to the adults. She has told us a couple times within the last 24 hours, "I want to bring this baby home." We've been positive, without giving too much false hope. Reminding her to keep praying. It's hard to hear her say that. But she has already given the new baby a few BIG HUGS today. I told her "thank you" for a hug and she said, "that was for the baby". LOL.

I called my doctor's nurse to schedule an appt today, but she didn't call me back, so I'll talk to them tomorrow, I'm sure. I'll have more to update and many u/s pictures to come!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and helping us get passed 300 likes on our Foundation Page. In Foundation news, we also found out today that the IRS has received our paper work and that they will be looking it over and getting back to us soon! I also had the chance to do another nurse's training this week. Helping nurses train for situations unknown and exposing them to families with losses.

*HAPPY DANCE* First one in a long while. Another reason for another baby, healing the heart.

*Love you Atlanta! Good night!* (Like an end of a concert, Geddy Lee's voice from RUSH)

EDIT- I went in for blood work and will be in soon for a regular appt. 

What's in a name?

Kristen was asking about names and why we named her Kristen, then remembered that we had a baby name book and got it out. We picked out a boy and girl name before knew Kendall would be a girl. We stuck with the K names and didn't think much about a meaning. A lot of people, after finding out about a fatal diagnosis use a name that has a deeper meaning. We just liked Kendall, in the beginning, and stuck with it. We weren't even going to find out which sex till the birth if she was healthy.

So we pulled out the baby name book again today and turned to Kendall, after finding Kristen and Kyle (Drew). First time in over a year...

And yes, her name is perfect for her. Some things still amaze me.

The After Math

Written for other moms that have loss a baby...

No one journey is the same. We can grieve together but no one will ever know each other's exact pain. Mothers of similar losses can chat and have similarities, but still wonder what to say to each other. Even for people who are able to talk about "it", no one could completely understand from one journey to another.

I thankfully haven't dealt with depression, but know some who is from a loss of a child. And as I have said in the past to her, that I was thinking and praying for her, I truly will never know her journey. But I'm thankful to know that she has a relationship with the Lord. He will keep fighting for her.

Today, in the land of online FB support groups, I found out that an anencephaly mom couldn't fight off her depression after about a month in a half after her baby went to Heaven. Something probably stronger than postpartum. She was starting to seek help, as she had spoken about it. At that time, I wasn't actively reading the comments on the board. She leaves behind a husband and son. And after word got around, many questions started to some out.

Are our babies in Heaven? What happens on "the other side"? Why she couldn't fight harder? If believers could give an answer to whether this mom was in Heaven? Was suicide a sin? 

People are seeking.What does this life mean? Why are we here? Where do we go after we die? People are seeking answers. And some people are giving answers, but are they right? Who is right? Some answers lead the wrong direction.

Maybe we aren't supposed to have all the answers.

The one and only answer we need is God/Jesus Christ.

To have the faith that He will overcome anything and everything that is put before us. He is seeking a relationship with you.

I blog about having faith here.  Another great book to read other than the Bible, is One Heartbeat Away. Which you can get free on this website, scroll down to the bottom to find the book. Another great resource is GospelWay.com

I didn't go to Theology school and don't claim to have all the answers, and I do seek some answers as well, but I do so in the Bible. And as our babies have a purpose for their short lives, so we have a purpose for ours.

This would be a good time to go to the SONGS link on right column.  And let God lead you as your listen.

I leave you with some scripture...

Job 1

God given strength in the depths of depression:

Psalms 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.

Psalms 42:11 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. [Not only for our children but also ourselves]

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

1 Corinthians 10:13 - God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. God absolutely promises that there is no such thing as a problem in this life that is beyond our ability to endure.

Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

James 5:10,11 - When we are suffering, we need to remember the example of men of God who suffered: Jesus, Paul, especially Job.

James 1:2-4  Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.